Last Updated on March 6, 2025 by Angela Vaz
I’m going to be honest here—real love feels safe, consistent, and mutual.
It’s taken me a long time to understand this.
But sometimes, we fall for someone who isn’t really in it for the same reasons we are.
He texts when he wants, disappears when it’s inconvenient, and always seems to be taking more than he gives.
And the worst part? You can feel it.
You know deep down something isn’t right, but you keep convincing yourself, Maybe I’m overthinking. Maybe he just needs time. Maybe I’m not enough, and that’s why he’s acting this way.
But you ARE enough. And you deserve someone who makes you feel wanted, respected, and chosen—every single day.
So if you’ve been wondering whether he’s truly into you or just using you, here are 7 clear signs that you’re falling for a man who doesn’t actually care about you.
I also am going to include links to books that will help.
This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.
1. He Only Calls or Texts When He Wants Something
Why This Is a Red Flag
If he only reaches out when he needs a favor, a ride, or some “company” at night, then guess what?
He’s not interested in you—he’s interested in what you can do for him.
What It Feels Like
- You never get random “good morning” texts.
- He disappears for days, then suddenly texts when he’s bored.
- He always seems to need something—money, emotional support, a place to crash.
What You Should Do:
Start paying attention to how often he reaches out just to check on you without wanting something. If the answer is almost never, it’s time to step back and set boundaries.
Want to get some perspective? Try this self-love journal to gain clarity on what you truly deserve.
2. He’s Emotionally Unavailable But Keeps You Around
Why This Is a Red Flag
A man who tells you, “I’m not ready for a relationship” but still expects all the benefits of one is someone who wants to have his cake and eat it too.
What It Feels Like
- He avoids deep conversations about feelings or the future.
- He tells you he “likes you” but won’t commit.
- He says, “Let’s just go with the flow”—but the flow only benefits him.
What You Should Do:
You’re not here to be someone’s placeholder. If he won’t open up or commit, walk away. You’re not asking for too much—you’re asking the wrong man.
Please remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Don’t be afraid of losing him.
Be okay with letting go of someone like this so you can find someone better.
Yes, you may be alone for a while, but that’s okay – it’s worth the peace.
Struggling to detach? This book on emotional healing will help you break free from unhealthy attachments. It helped me a lot after my painful breakup.
Here’s a list of all the breakup books I read that really helped me heal properly.
3. He’s Always ‘Busy’—But Somehow Not Too Busy for Others
Why This Is a Red Flag
We make time for the things and people we truly care about. If he’s always “too busy” for you but somehow has time for his friends, video games, or scrolling social media, then you are not a priority—you are an afterthought.
And again, he’s made his choice.
So, be okay with walking away from such people.
What It Feels Like
- He’s always “too busy” to call, text, or make plans.
- But you see him posting on Instagram, out with friends, or online gaming for hours.
- When you bring it up, he gaslights you, saying “You’re overreacting.”
What You Should Do:
A man who wants you in his life will make space for you. You deserve someone who treats your time with respect, not as an inconvenience.
If you’re seeing too many red flags, read this post on red flags when dating a guy that you should avoid like the plague.
4. He Talks About Other Women in Front of You
Why This Is a Red Flag
A man who truly cares about you would never risk making you feel second best. If he casually mentions his ex, other girls who “want him,” or his latest crush, he’s either:
- Trying to make you jealous.
- Keeping you insecure, so you lower your standards.
- Too careless to even realize he’s being disrespectful.
Again, it’s okay to talk about exes. But there is a way to do it.
If a man disses his exes or talks about women in a particularly degrading way, know that at some point, he will talk about you that way too.
Date a man that actually respects women and treats them with respect and kindness.
You don’t want a man that objectifies women.
What It Feels Like
- He tells you about girls flirting with him.
- He compares you to other women (even jokingly).
- He still stays in touch with his ex, even though they have “unfinished business.”
What You Should Do:
A real man makes you feel chosen, not like you’re in competition. If he’s constantly bringing up other women, he’s showing you exactly where you stand—on the sidelines.
Feeling stuck in toxic patterns? This book on breaking toxic soul ties can help.
5. He’s Not Interested in Getting to Know You Deeply
Why This Is a Red Flag
When a man truly likes you, he wants to know everything about you—your favorite childhood memory, what makes you laugh, your dreams.
If he’s not asking questions about your life or future, it’s because he doesn’t see himself in it.
It’s also because he just doesn’t care.
What It Feels Like
- Conversations are always surface-level.
- He never asks about your passions, goals, or struggles.
- He changes the subject when things get too personal.
What You Should Do:
If he doesn’t care to know you deeply, then why should he get deep access to your love, loyalty, and time?
Please, please know that there is a man out there who wants to get to know you. Don’t give your time to someone who is just in it for the sake of being in a relationship.
6. You’re Always the One Making the Effort
Why This Is a Red Flag
A relationship should never feel one-sided. If you’re always the one texting first, planning dates, or checking in, it means he’s not investing in you.
It also means that he genuinely isn’t interested.
What It Feels Like
- If you stop texting first, you probably wouldn’t hear from him.
- He expects you to drive to see him, but he won’t do the same.
- You feel like you’re pulling all the weight in the relationship.
What You Should Do:
Stop initiating. Let him show you if he actually cares—if he doesn’t, you have your answer.
Want to master high-value dating? Check out my post on how to date like a high-value woman.
7. Your Gut Is Telling You Something Feels Off
Trust. Your. Gut.
The fact that you are reading this article already means that something deep down is telling you to run.
If you feel like he’s using you, he probably is.
What You Should Do:
The hardest lesson in love? You don’t have to wait for him to hurt you more before leaving.
So many of my girlfriends have done this.
They want to give their partners a chance to grow up and take responsibility or become better people.
And it never happens.
Please, let go.
Final Thoughts
If any of these 7 signs sound familiar, it’s time to ask yourself: Is this love? Or am I just settling for breadcrumbs?
You deserve so much more than being someone’s convenience. Choose yourself first. ❤️
