Last Updated on April 8, 2023 by Angela Vaz
Everybody wants to be loved, valued, and respected in a relationship.
It goes without saying.
And nothing hurts more than being in a relationship with a person that doesn’t value you.
In this post, I’m going to cover signs he doesn’t value you and what to do about it so you can find peace and love again.
When you do realize that your partner is disrespecting you, it is crucial to do something about it.
Otherwise, you are just wasting your time being with someone who isn’t uplifting you or helping you grow.
And you are spending more time with the wrong person than with someone who deserves you and will love and cherish you.
Let’s begin.
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17 major signs he doesn’t value you
1. He doesn’t value your opinion
People will always have differences in a relationship because a relationship is built between two people who aren’t 100% alike.
However, when differences in opinion arise, each partner must respect the other’s opinion and actually give them a listening ear to hear them out completely.
That’s what love is all about.
It’s okay to disagree with one another, but you should respect each other’s opinions.
However, if you have a partner who constantly makes you feel like what you have to say is dumb or worthless, or they just blatantly ignore you or get mad at you when you talk, it’s one of the major signs he doesn’t value you.
This is also a red flag of a narcissistic partner.
2. He always mocks you or disrespects you
A relationship is very healthy if both of you have a good understanding of each other and are sometimes playful and jovial.
However, if your partner mocks you and disrespects you no matter what you have to say (even when you’re trying to be serious), it’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t value you.
3. You are always his last priority
If he constantly backs out on promises he’s made you or makes you feel like you’re his last priority, he doesn’t value you or respect you enough.
- Do you feel like he always places other people’s values and opinions above yours?
- Or is he always jumping through hoops for other people but never does that for you?
If your partner does not attempt to spend time with you or even talk to you and is always busy with other things, you are not his first priority or even in the top 3.
There may be a genuine reason too.
To not jump to conclusions, it’s best to sit down and have a talk with your partner so that you can understand why he’s behaving the way he is.
But if it’s been happening for far too long, then maybe it’s more than a phase and deserves some attention.
4. Any attempt at honest communication backfires
Is this you?
- Do you feel like you just can’t talk to him or communicate with him anymore?
- Does he constantly gaslight you or make you feel like you’re the problem when you try to resolve conflicts?
- Or does he just brush you aside and tell you that you’re making a big deal out of nothing?
If you constantly feel drained and mentally exhausted after trying to communicate with him, it’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t value you.
This is also a sign of toxic communication.
And if you feel like you have been unable to communicate with your partner for some time now, it is a sign that your relationship isn’t healthy anymore, and you must do something about it.
You can try couples counseling or meet with a relationship expert/therapist together to help find out how you can fix this.
5. Support is not a two-way street
Do any of these scenarios describe your relationship?
- Is your partner constantly expecting you to support him and his dreams but never does the same?
- Does he feel that his career or goals are more important than yours? Does he put you down or say that you can pursue your dreams later or does he find fault with your dreams and passions?
- Do you find that your partner is always asking you to do things for him but he rarely returns the favor?
If your partner always relies on you for support but never does the same for you, he definitely does not value your visions, goals, or career.
And it is one of the biggest signs he doesn’t value you.
If you feel like you are constantly giving and not getting back, your relationship is no longer a two-way street, and it may have reached its saturation point.
6. Your partner compares you with other people
Remember that love is a decision.
Love means accepting the person for their pros and their cons. It’s about acceptance.
If you feel that your partner is always comparing you with other people or commending other people while putting you down, then it is a sign he doesn’t value you.
Comparison will come in the following forms:
- Do you often feel deflated and hurt because your partner is constantly comparing you to others?
- Are they rubbing the fact that someone else is better than you at something in your face frequently?
- Do you feel like you’re in a race where you are constantly trying to put on a good show because you’re trying to win your partner’s affection?
Let’s get this straight.
If you are constantly battling for your partner’s affection, something isn’t right in the relationship.
Your relationship shouldn’t be a battleground.
You don’t constantly need to try to win a person over.
If it feels like a challenge every single day, there is something very wrong with your relationship.
And there is a very good chance that your partner no longer respects you or adores you.
7. He leers at other women
Do you find your partner constantly admiring other women while showing little to no interest in you?
People who have lost interest in their partners will be dissatisfied and temperamental with them, all the while showering others with attention.
If you feel like your partner has eyes for other women and is not even hiding it from you, he may have stopped caring about what you think or feel.
Do you feel you are no longer the only woman in his life or has he replaced you with others?
Also, if you constantly find your partner watching porn or masturbating, this is one of the major signs he doesn’t value you or respect you.
8. He is constantly blaming you
If you feel like your partner is always blaming you for everything and finding reasons to cast you in a negative light, he certainly does not value you or respect you.
Every person has flaws.
And a couple should always sit down together and discuss their problems in a calm and civilized manner.
But if you constantly find yourself at the end of his long and accusing finger, then you should know by now that he doesn’t value you.
If your partner is constantly finding fault with everything you do and you have reached a point where you feel like nothing you can make him happy, the problem definitely isn’t you.
When a person has lost interest in their partner, they find everything they do annoying.
They will brush you aside, taunt you, or just act indifferent.
If your partner is constantly criticizing you and correcting you for even the smallest things, you can be sure that he no longer respects you.
This is one of the biggest signs he doesn’t value you.
9. He is never around
- Do you feel like your partner is always busy?
- Does he constantly come up with excuses for why he needs to be out of the house?
- Or is he always on the phone? Even in bed.
These are signs that your partner does not value your time or is cheating on you.
In my case, my partner was cheating on me, and it was going on for more than two years.
But if you feel like your partner doesn’t have time for you and doesn’t even bother to make time to talk to you, there is a good chance that your partner doesn’t value you.
10. He has become indifferent
This is a very hurtful phase, and I remember losing my mind during this phase of my relationship.
If your partner behaves indifferently toward you where they just don’t care what you do or what you say, you can take it as one of the surest signs he doesn’t value you.
Indifference will cause a lot of emotional turmoil.
It will make you question everything you hold dear, and you will constantly replay all the good times in your head because you’ll find yourself confused and in pain.
If you are trying hard to talk to him and his responses are always nonchalant, or he makes it look like nothing has changed, he has become indifferent.
Pay attention to your gut. If your gut tells you that your partner has changed and you no longer feel like he’s the man you once knew, perhaps he has moved on.
If you find that your partner who once paid attention to you is now ignoring everything you say and makes you feel like you have to work for his attention, then this is definitely a big red flag.
Ask yourself, when was the last time you both had a good time talking?
Try to think of the good conversations you’ve had. If you can count these experiences on just one hand or find that the negative outcomes outweigh the positives, you’re definitely not in a good relationship.
11. You feel icky after having sex with him
If you feel like there is no emotional connection during sex and you honestly feel icky after sex like you’ve been used, there is a very good probability that your partner has no value for you and doesn’t respect you.
Sex should feel good. And if you and your partner don’t love or respect each other, the relationship has reached a sour point.
If your man has no interest to talk to you or listen to you or doesn’t even feel the need to engage in foreplay and just wants to get it over with, it may be a sign that he is only interested in a physical connection with you and doesn’t really require anything else.
Please understand that sex is very important in a relationship.
But if the whole relationship is based on sex and you genuinely feel like you are being used, something is definitely wrong in your relationship.
A relationship is so much more than sex.
And if you find that you are always trying to initiate intimacy or you’re trying to constantly bring back the spark with no effort from his side, then you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you.
12. You can’t make sense of anything he does
Sometimes it will seem like he is right there with you and for this relationship. He’ll make you laugh and pay attention to you.
But most times, he’s on his phone – smiling at his device or always on the computer.
You can’t seem to grab his attention, and even if you do, it’s only for a short time.
You will feel like you can’t grab a handle on things, and you just don’t know why life isn’t stable.
As much as you try, you will find no peace in the relationship, and you wish for some closure and stability.
You find his moods unpredictable, and you never know when he will fly off the handle or get upset for something not in your control.
13. He makes fun of you among friends and family
Humor that is well-intended goes a long way.
But if you feel that your partner is always mocking you and is more condescending and spiteful than humorous, then there is more at play here.
Does your partner mock you in front of others?
Does he put you down and criticize you in front of common friends and family?
Is he always sneering at you, even in public?
Do you feel humiliated, and no amount of talking to him has helped the situation?
My ex constantly humiliated me in front of his friends. I was not allowed to have friends.
But if I made a joke, he’d get offended. And he’d talk about how I didn’t respect him.
When you are with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or value you, they don’t treat you with respect.
They assume that you will stay with them no matter what happens, and they aren’t scared of losing you because they honestly don’t care.
Think back to how often your partner mocks you:
- Your cooking or the way you do things
- How you talk or how you conduct yourself
- Your career or your work
- Your physical attributes
- Any hobby or passion you try to pursue
If you feel that nothing you do is good enough for your partner, rest assured that it is not your fault.
Your partner is to blame for treating you with a lack of respect.
This brings me to my next point…
14. He challenges you to leave
If you ever bring up a certain issue or try to talk to him about how he’s making you feel, he challenges you to leave or casually throw the word “divorce” or “break up” around.
This is one of the biggest signs he doesn’t value you.
Remember, you should be in a relationship with someone who views you as a prize to be won because that’s how valuable you are.
You don’t deserve to be mocked, provoked, or insulted.
You deserve love, peace, and stability.
If you find that your partner is constantly emotionally blackmailing you and playing mind games, it’s one of the earliest warning signs he doesn’t value you.
15. He is rarely kind to you
Nobody ever starts out being mean and obnoxious.
When we as women fall in love, we are often wooed in the beginning by certain traits a man possesses.
Many men are inherently charming and know how to talk and what exactly to say to get a woman to like them.
But with time, a person’s real traits are revealed.
And when we rush into relationships or are too naive to say no to people and walk away from something that isn’t 100% real, we enter a relationship with someone who doesn’t deserve us.
If you find that your partner is extremely unkind to you and sometimes even goes out of the way to be cruel, please walk away.
You deserve so much more than that.
Everyone gets moody and temperamental at times. People do get depressed, and sometimes they take it out on the people they love.
But if you find that your partner is constantly rude to you and
16. He doesn’t feel your opinion matters
- Do you feel like your partner makes all the major decisions by himself?
- Does he do things without finding the need to tell you?
- Are you always finding out about important matters later and not because he’s confided with you?
One of the major signs he doesn’t value you is if he doesn’t feel the need to include you in the decision-making.
If you find that he always goes out of the way to prove that he alone is capable of handling all the decisions, then he is not only disrespectful toward you but also extremely conceited.
It’s also a sign of narcissism.
Remember, a relationship is built on trust, loyalty, and respect.
Both partners should be treated as equals.
17. You can never rely on him for anything
Do you feel like you’re all alone in this relationship?
Like you have to do everything; otherwise, the whole household falls apart?
You end up maintaining the household, taking care of the kids and pets, handling the finances, taking care of him as well, and having no time to do anything for yourself?
Remember that both partners should bear equal responsibility for the household and the finances in a relationship.
But if you feel that your partner is genuinely lacking in helping you do most of the work around the house, then it’s one of the earliest warning signs he doesn’t value you or feel the need to help around.
If you find that your partner always makes big promises but never follows through with them, it reveals his character and personality.
If you honestly feel that you cannot depend on your partner for anything and carry all of the responsibilities on your shoulders alone, then your relationship is extremely toxic.
How do you know if a guy doesn’t value you?
If you have been in a long-term relationship and your partner is closed off and acting weird, or they’re just not themselves – there may be something more.
Try to find out what is bothering your partner by talking to them and just communicating your feelings with them.
If he isn’t interested in communicating or you’re finding communication difficult, try going for couples counseling.
It takes two people to want a relationship to work, to fix it.
But if everything is coming to a dead-end and you feel that you’re putting everything you have into this relationship, but you’re getting squat back, then it’s best to make your peace with the fact that your relationship is not going to work and leave.
Remember, it’s okay for the honeymoon phase to die out. It does happen in every relationship after six months to a year, but the love and respect for each other should never die.
If it does, the relationship has reached its end, or perhaps you have changed and evolved.
If you are finding that your relationship has reached a standstill or is no longer fulfilling you, you need to take steps to do something about it.
Pay attention and study your partner.
If you aren’t sure you’re in a toxic relationship, take some time to understand what and who your partner is before you take the next move.
Don’t just let it be.
It will affect you emotionally and mentally and will seriously hamper your happiness.
What to do if he doesn’t value you?
You need to realize that it’s okay to love someone and still walk away.
It’s alright to love him and miss him but know that he is not right for you.
The minute you settle or give in because you feel you cannot do anything about him undervaluing or disrespecting you, you are basically telling the universe that it’s okay for you to be treated as less.
Understand that you are worth something.
You deserve love and respect.
And if your partner cannot give that to you, they are not right for you.
It doesn’t matter how much time you’ve spent with that person.
It doesn’t matter how old you are.
Everybody deserves to be loved.
So, take action.
At the end of the day, if you are reading this article, then perhaps deep down, you feel you are being disrespected.
Please take it as a warning sign and leave.
Because if he is undervaluing you, he has already left. He no longer sees you as an equal or a viable partner.
How do you test him to see if he cares?
Watch him.
You don’t need to test him.
Observe everything that is going on around you.
Become highly self-aware.
More often than not, we are blinded by our love for our partners. Or we’ve become so used to that kind of behavior that we don’t even notice it anymore.
You don’t need to test your partner to see if he cares.
Just be your normal self and ask yourself how much does he really care?
I’ve covered several signs he doesn’t value you in this blog post.
If you find that your partner exhibits most of these, you are probably in an emotionally abusive relationship.
You can definitely try couples counseling, but if you notice that his behavior is repetitive, the only sound advice I can give you is to consider leaving the relationship.
Sometimes, even friends and family will be biased.
They’ll have known your partner for too long, and they may not encourage you to leave.
That’s why I suggest finding a therapist specializing in relationships to help you navigate this tough time.
Their opinion will be unbiased and truthful.
They won’t tell you what to do. They will guide you to the point of self-awareness so that you can decide what to do next.
A little backstory
I had been in a relationship with a narcissistic and abusive person for over nine years before leaving him.
It wasn’t easy, and I know exactly how it feels to be with someone with didn’t value or respect me.
My life was hard when I was in that relationship. But I chose familiar pain and stuck with him till I found out he was cheating on me.
I found nothing but peace, joy, and love when I left.
It was one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever come across – because it’s never easy to leave a relationship.
I learned to love myself, care for myself and identify my needs and wants before entering another relationship.
I learned to be happy alone and make peace with being single before falling in love again.
And I’m now with someone who values and loves me for who I am.
I started this blog for women who want to find the same and cut out all the toxicity in their lives.
If you, too, are looking for love or are currently not happy in your relationship, you may find these posts helpful:
- 21 signs he doesn’t think you’re good enough + what to do
- 17 undeniable signs he is only using you financially
- 7 reasons why he never buys you anything
- My biggest mistake – never depend on a man for money
- 7 reasons he never takes you out + what to do
- Should you take him back? If he cheated on his ex…
- How to get over the fear of being cheated on
- 13 signs of unrequited love (how do you know it’s time to let go)
- How I got over my cheating ex and found happiness
- 17 signs it’s the end of the relationship
- How to get over a toxic relationship, heal and find peace
- 7 types of toxic communication that is hurting your relationship
- 13 ways to reset your life
- How to stay alone (if you never have lived alone your whole life)
- How I learned to be happy alone without loneliness creeping up
- How to go out alone as a woman safely and comfortably
- How to rebuild your life from scratch after losing everything
- 7 healthy habits to form as a woman in her 30s
- Struggling with singleness? Learn what I did to combat this
- The ultimate guide to loving yourself – know you deserve this and more
- 29 self-love quotes to help you heal and love yourself
Conclusion – signs he doesn’t value you
Sometimes love can blind us.
Or we choose to fall in love with potential.
We convince ourselves that the person will change, that they will see us for who we truly are and value us after a while.
But please understand that if you are in a relationship where you are not valued, you are the only one who has the opportunity to change the situation.
The ball is in your court.
And if your partner isn’t valuing or respecting you, then it may be time to have a serious talk with them or leave.
You are worth so much more.
Don’t consider it a waste of time or throw your present and future away just because you’ve spent a lot of time in this relationship.
It’s never too late to make a change and walk away.
You just have to realize that you deserve better.
And it’s okay if you both shared a love that was deep and passionate. Sometimes, people change mostly because they don’t really know what they want or they’ve evolved to become someone else.
If you feel you cannot relate to your partner anymore and have been unhappy for a long time, then it is time to sit down with your partner and communicate those feelings.
Take courage because this requires a lot of guts and willpower.
Putting yourself first and understanding that you need respect and love is a beautiful form of self-love.
Have that discussion and see if you can mend bridges.
If not, you may have to reconsider your relationship.
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