Let’s be real—few things are more frustrating than a guy who acts like he’s into you one minute, then pulls away the next.
I’ve dated a man who did this hot and cold act and it was genuinely frustrating.
One day he’s liking your Instagram stories and texting you good morning, the next he’s gone without a trace.
You start wondering, Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Or is he just emotionally unavailable?
I’m guaranteeing you that you’re not crazy.
Mixed signals are a real thing, and they can mess with your head.
I’ve been there too.
One time I was talking to a guy who made me feel like I was the only girl in the world… until I wasn’t.
He gave me all the sweet attention, made future plans, acted protective—and then went cold.
It was annoying and such a waste of time.
What I learned is this: When a man gives you mixed signals, it’s not always about you. Sometimes it means he’s confused.
Sometimes it means he wants the benefits of closeness without the responsibility.
And sometimes… he’s just not that serious.
So let’s break it down.
Here are 12 common mixed signals men give, and what they actually mean.
1. He Texts You Every Day… But Never Makes Plans
He checks in, sends memes, and says he misses you.
But when it comes to actually seeing you? He’s always “too busy.”
I have a friend who dated a guy like this. He’d send her memes on Instagram saying “This made me think of you.” And he’d constantly flirt with her but it ended there.
What it really means: He likes the connection, but not enough to prioritize you. You’re someone he enjoys chatting with—but not necessarily committing to.
2. He Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship… But Acts Like Your Boyfriend
He cuddles you, pays for dinner, and introduces you to his friends—but insists he’s not ready for anything serious.
Yes, I get it, it can be really confusing.
I feel you.
What it really means: He enjoys all the perks of being with you without the label. He’s keeping you close, but he’s not all in.
And you need to decide if this is something you really want.
To each their own.
Some women genuinely like keeping it casual but some want some commitment. Either way, there is no right and wrong choice here.
3. He Flirts Heavily, Then Pulls Away
One day he’s sending you heart eyes and making late-night calls, the next he’s distant and hard to reach.
This type really frustrates me because I can never read their mind.
And with time, I learned that I don’t like these mind games so I stopped playing them.
I don’t date people who can’t be open and honest.
What this kind of behavior really means: He likes attention and excitement, but isn’t consistent enough to build something real.
4. He Gets Jealous, But Won’t Commit
He hates when you mention other guys, gets possessive, or throws shade—but still says he wants to keep things casual.
Another one of my friends dated a guy like this. She thought that him being possessive meant that he was into her. But it was not like that at all.
What it really means: He wants control, not commitment. He doesn’t want to lose you, but doesn’t want to step up either.
A lot of men just don’t like sharing their toys. And they have this sort of territorial nature. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that they want something serious either.
5. He Compliments You, Then Disappears for Days
You’re beautiful. You’re special. You’re everything he wants—until he vanishes.
Oh, how I wish that these men would stop doing this.
It’s so nerve-wracking.
What it really means: He’s giving you just enough to keep you interested, but not enough to feel secure.
6. He Talks About the Future… But Never Includes You In It
Yes, unfortunately, it’s true.
And there are just too many people like this.
He says things like “Someday I want to travel the world” or “I can’t wait to buy a house” but you’re never mentioned in those dreams.
What it really means: He’s living in his own world. If he saw a future with you, you’d be in those plans.
Please read this post, things a man does when he is serious about you.
7. He Gets Close When You’re Distant… Then Backs Off When You’re Available
You pull away, and suddenly he’s chasing you.
But when you show interest? He cools off.
What it really means: He craves the thrill of the chase, but not the stability of a relationship. My partner and I have a friend like this. He doesn’t know how to appreciate women who are into him. He always seeks women who show a lack of interest and it’s so confusing.
8. He Says You Deserve Better
He tells you how amazing you are… right before ghosting or pulling away.
My ex was like this and it was such a red flag. Sometimes, it’s insecurity, but more often than not it just means he doesn’t want you.
What it really means: He knows he can’t (or won’t) give you what you need. But instead of stepping up, he steps out—and tries to ease his guilt by flattering you first.
9. He Acts Super Affectionate in Private… But Distant in Public
He’s all cuddles and kisses when you’re alone.
But in public? He keeps his distance.
This is one of those red flags that you need to pay attention to and immediately back away from this type of guy.
What it really means: He’s either hiding something—or hiding you.
10. He Apologizes for Hurting You… But Keeps Doing It
He says “I’m sorry” every time he messes up, but nothing ever changes.
Basically, he says all the right words, but his actions never line up.
I know it sucks, because if you are a very honest person, you automatically assume that everyone is that way. But please believe me when I say this – you deserve better.
If you’re constantly being disappointed by your partner, it’s time to leave.
What it really means: He knows exactly what he’s doing. And he’s hoping you’ll accept the apology instead of expecting better.
11. He Gives You Mixed Messages About His Ex
He says he’s over her, but still talks about her. Maybe he even compares you to her.
Please don’t entertain this.
It’s normal to think about an ex once in a while, but if he keeps throwing his ex in your face, chances are he isn’t over the past. And this is going to make your life very messy.
What it really means: He hasn’t fully healed. And you don’t want to be someone’s rebound, no matter how charming they are.
12. He Tells You He Likes You… But “The Timing Isn’t Right”
He says you’re everything he wants but… his job, his past, his fear of commitment, etc.
What it really means: He likes you, yes. But liking someone isn’t the same as choosing them. If he really wanted to be with you, he’d find a way.
An ex whom I loved and gave my everything to, did this to me. He kept giving me reasons he couldn’t be with me despite telling me that he loved me and I was the only one for him.
It took me a long time to realize that he was just saying the words and never really meant them.
I write posts like these because I don’t want women making the same mistakes I did.
Remember to take it slow
There is no rush to get married or have kids. Remember, you’re dating to find a partner that you can trust and respect you.
So, take it one day at a time.
Mixed signals aren’t just confusing—they’re exhausting.
If you feel like you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, rereading texts, or trying to “figure him out,” that already tells you something.
Real love feels clear. Consistent. Safe.
If he’s not giving you that, you don’t have to keep chasing his potential.
You deserve someone who makes you feel wanted, not worried.
You are not hard to love. You’re just waiting for someone who won’t leave you guessing.
Here are a few more posts that might help:
15 clear signs the talking stage is going really well
11 reasons why you attract broken guys + how to fix it
13 devastating things you should never forgive in a relationship
My boyfriend is not my type physically, what to do?
17 alarming red flags when dating a guy
How to look attractive after a breakup – everything I did
Does he like you? If a guy talks sexually, what does that mean?
