How to Live Alone After a Painful Divorce (My Personal Experience)

Last Updated on January 30, 2025 by Angela Vaz

I never thought I’d be here.

Alone, in a quiet apartment, staring at the empty side of the bed that used to be filled.

The silence felt deafening at first.

The weight of the past, the memories, the routines we had built together—they all lingered in the spaces we once shared.

I didn’t know how to exist in this new reality.

I felt lost, unmoored, like a part of me had been ripped away and I wasn’t sure how to move forward.

I talk about how I found out my partner was cheating and how I moved on in this post.

But trust me when I say, that nothing prepares you for this next phase of life.

Living alone after a divorce is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

It’s not just about adjusting to a new living space—it’s about rebuilding an identity that, for so long, was tied to someone else.

It’s about rediscovering who you are when no one is watching, when there’s no one to check in with when the only footsteps you hear in the house are your own.

The first few nights are the worst.

I’d sit down for dinner and suddenly feel the crushing loneliness of eating alone.

The quiet moments, the small daily rituals that once felt insignificant, now felt like gaping holes in my life.

But here’s the thing—I survived.

And not just survived, but learned to thrive.

I learned that solitude isn’t the same as loneliness.

I discovered the joy of decorating my space exactly how I wanted, of cooking meals just for me, of learning new hobbies I never made time for before.

I found strength in my own company, in the quiet, in the stillness.

I started reading books written by people who were just as lost as I was and how they found themselves. This made me feel stronger.

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you’re not alone in this.

The fear, the sadness, the uncertainty—it’s all part of the process.

But so is growth.

So is self-discovery.

So is healing.

This post isn’t just about how to live alone after a divorce—it’s about how to embrace it.

How to turn the pain into power.

How to rebuild your life on your terms.

If I could do it, so can you.

And I promise, it gets better.

I am going to include multiple similar posts (I’ve written extensively on this topic) if this is a journey you are on and want to feel better.

This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

You’ve lost something significant—a relationship, a shared history, a version of your future you once believed in.

It’s okay to feel sad.

It’s okay to cry.

Suppressing your emotions won’t make them disappear.

Give yourself permission to mourn what’s gone so you can eventually move forward.

I have a detailed post on how to get over a painful breakup.

What I recommend: Keep a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process your grief in a healthy way. Read these books if you want more help getting over a breakup/divorce.

2. Make Your Space Your Own

Your home should reflect you—not the past, not your ex, just you.

If you’re still surrounded by reminders of your marriage, it’s time for a change.

Rearrange the furniture.

Paint the walls.

Get rid of things that bring painful memories and replace them with things that make you happy.

I personally moved out.

Since my ex had cheated with a neighbor from another apartment and everybody knew what had happened, I wanted a fresh start.

I sold my apartment and just rented another one. My dogs liked the change. And I felt like I was starting from scratch.

If this is not possible, I recommend changing the living space as much as you can. Paint the walls, rearrange the furniture, just make it different.

I also changed the colors of all the quilts and blankets – I got purple because my ex never liked bright colors and I always loved them.

Start small.

Even changing your bedsheets or adding a new plant can make your space feel fresh and yours.

3. Establish a New Routine

Life with a partner comes with routines—shared meals, movie nights, daily check-ins.

After a divorce, those routines disappear, leaving behind an unsettling emptiness.

Creating new habits can help fill that space with something positive.

I took up playing the piano. I no longer had to worry about going out to meet friends – I could go whenever I wanted.

I could now talk loudly on the phone or dance in my underwear and life suddenly became so much more spontaneous!

Set a morning and evening routine that you look forward to.

Maybe it’s making coffee and journaling in the morning or reading a book before bed.

Structure brings comfort.

4. Get Comfortable With Being Alone

At first, solitude can feel unbearable.

I get that.

As people who always love to care for and nurture others, it’s suddenly difficult to live alone and now take care of only yourself.

The quiet nights, the solo dinners—they highlight what’s missing.

But in time, you’ll start to appreciate the peace, the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want.

Trust me.

It’s not easy to look on the bright side in the beginning, but with time, things will change.

Keep an open mind and start falling in love with being alone.

Try doing something alone that you would normally do with someone else—like going to a café, taking a walk, or watching a movie at the theater.

Over time, you’ll realize that your own company is enough.

5. Reconnect With Yourself

Divorce isn’t just an end—it’s a new beginning.

And just because things ended with your partner, doesn’t mean you will be single forever unless that’s what you want.

But if you desire a relationship, know that you can make that happen later.

There is no rush.

But first, find yourself.

Build back the identity you lost.

Who are you outside of that relationship? What do you love? What dreams did you put on hold? Now is the time to reconnect with yourself.

Pick up an old hobby or try something new. Take that pottery class, start a fitness journey, or learn a new language.

Make yourself a priority.

6. Build a Support System

You don’t have to do this alone.

Don’t do it alone.

Your world should be bigger than your ex.

Reach out to friends, family, or a support group.

Talking about your experience with people who care can make all the difference.

If you have nobody or you’re in a new city (like I was), start joining meetup groups. I went to cafes with meetups, I joined boardgame meets, improv meets and talking meets just to make new friends.

I even reconnected with all my older friends.

I have a post here on how to make friends in your 30s.

If you’re struggling emotionally, consider therapy.

A professional can provide guidance and tools to help you heal. I learned this by reading this beautiful and insightful book.

7. Avoid Isolating Yourself

Yes, you’ll want to do this just like I did.

I felt like I was a failure. I also felt like I couldn’t face people and tell them I was divorced. I wanted to crawl into a shell and never come out.

But don’t do this – it will lead to depression.

It’s going to be very hard to want to be happy, but you need to try.

Spend time alone, it’s not a crime.

But too much of it can lead to loneliness and depression.

Make an effort to stay social, even when you don’t feel like it.

Hang out with people – go out with friends.

Schedule at least one social activity a week, whether it’s a coffee date with a friend or a group class.

Connection is healing. We are social creatures (no matter how introverted we are).

8. Set Financial Boundaries

Living alone after a divorce often comes with financial adjustments.

You might be going from two incomes to one, which can be challenging.

I understand that.

Creating a budget and sticking to it will help you regain control.

Use budgeting apps to track your spending.

Consider talking to a financial advisor to create a plan for your future. If you have kids/pets, plan your finances accordingly.

9. Focus on Your Health

Divorce stress takes a toll on your body.

You might not feel like eating well or working out, but taking care of yourself physically can help improve your mental health.

Start walking more.

Push that negative energy into something that will actually help you. This will release a whole lot of endorphins that will actually make you happy.

Sweat it out – join the gym or get a trainer, it will motivate you to get into better shape.

Start small if it’s too much to think about—drink more water, take a short daily walk, or cook a healthy meal. Little steps lead to big changes.

10. Allow Yourself to Move Forward

Healing takes time, but eventually, you’ll wake up one day and realize that you feel lighter.

That the sadness isn’t as sharp.

That you’re looking forward to the future.

Give yourself grace.

Let go of guilt.

You deserve happiness.

And how you feel now – we’ve all felt this way. You’re not alone in this.

When you’re ready, open yourself up to new experiences.

Travel, meet new people, and be open to whatever life brings next.

Final Thoughts

Living alone after a divorce is a journey—one that’s filled with pain, growth, and ultimately, self-discovery.

It won’t always be easy, but I promise, it will get better.

You are stronger than you think, and you are fully capable of creating a life that brings you peace and joy.

If you’re in this season of life, know that you are not alone.

I see you, and I believe in you.

Take it one day at a time. And remember, this is not the end—this is the beginning of something new.

Here are a few more posts that you may find helpful:

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