Last Updated on February 18, 2025 by Angela Vaz
Divorce is one of those experiences that changes you forever.
It’s painful, messy, and overwhelming—but it can also be an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and healing.
When I went through my own divorce, I felt like my world was falling apart.
I genuinely couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks. I lost over 15 pounds in 2 weeks. I thought my life was for the most part over.
I had so many questions, so many emotions, and so much fear about what the future would hold.
But now, looking back, I see the invaluable lessons that divorce taught me, lessons I wish I had known from the start.
If you’re going through a divorce, or even considering one, I want to share these lessons with you in the hope that they bring you comfort, clarity, and strength.
In my post on how I got over my cheating ex, I talk about the feelings I struggled with.
1. Healing Is Not Linear
I used to think that once the papers were signed, I’d magically start feeling better.
But healing doesn’t work that way.
Some days, I felt strong and independent; other days, I couldn’t get out of bed.
There were moments of clarity followed by waves of grief.
And that’s okay. Healing isn’t a straight line—it’s a winding road with ups and downs.
Give yourself the grace to move at your own pace.
2. You Are Stronger Than You Think
Divorce can make you feel weak like you’ve failed or lost a part of yourself.
I remember feeling like I’d lost everything. I wondered why I kept losing.
But here’s the truth: you are stronger than you ever imagined.
Every day that you get up, take care of yourself, and keep moving forward, you are proving your resilience.
There were times I doubted my ability to start over, but step by step, I rebuilt my life. And you will too.
When I recovered from that loss, I began to slowly find my footing. It’s been 5 years and I’m in a beautiful apartment with my partner and 2 dogs. I have some of the best friends a person could ask for and I have a very fulfilling job.
You just need to hang in there – things will get better.
3. It’s Okay to Grieve the Life You Thought You’d Have
One of the hardest parts of divorce isn’t just losing the relationship—it’s losing the future you envisioned.
The plans, the dreams, the shared moments you thought you’d have forever.
It’s okay to mourn that loss.
Give yourself permission to grieve, to cry, to feel the sadness. But also remember that new dreams and new beginnings are waiting for you.
I talk about how to glow up after a breakup here.
4. People Will Surprise You (In Good and Bad Ways)
Divorce is like a spotlight—it shows you who truly cares and who was only there for the good times.
Some people I thought would always be by my side disappeared.
But others, sometimes unexpected ones, stepped up and showed me kindness and support I never anticipated.
Surround yourself with those who uplift you, and don’t waste energy on those who make your healing harder.
5. Loneliness and Freedom Feel the Same at First
After my divorce, I felt incredibly lonely.
The silence of an empty house was deafening.
But over time, I realized that loneliness and freedom can feel very similar—it’s just a matter of perspective.
What once felt like isolation started to feel like independence.
Learning to enjoy my own company was one of the greatest gifts that came from this journey.
I have a post here on how to be happy alone after a painful divorce.
6. Forgiveness Is for You, Not Them
Holding onto anger and resentment only weighs you down.
It doesn’t punish the other person—it punishes you. I spent so much energy being angry, replaying every hurtful moment.
But when I finally decided to let go, I felt lighter. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior; it means freeing yourself from the burden of it.
In this post, I talk about how I got over hating my ex and letting that frustration go.
7. Your Worth Is Not Defined by Your Relationship Status
For a long time, I felt like being divorced made me a failure, like I was somehow less worthy because my marriage didn’t last.
But that’s a lie.
You are not defined by your relationship status.
You are whole, valuable, and deserving of love—whether you are single, dating, or remarried.
Your worth comes from who you are, not who you are with.
Also, remember that people find themselves single at different ages. My dad lost my mom after a long battle with cancer and he is quite content being alone because he genuinely doesn’t want to be in another relationship.
8. Love After Divorce Is Possible
After my divorce, I thought I would never love again.
I was terrified of opening my heart.
But love is not something we run out of.
It’s something we create, something that finds us when we least expect it.
Whether it’s love for yourself, for new friendships, or for a future partner, know that love is still possible.
And it will be different—maybe even better.
9. Happiness Comes from Within
Before, I thought happiness came from a relationship.
That if I could just make my marriage work, I’d be happy.
But divorce taught me that happiness is an inside job.
It’s something you cultivate within yourself, not something another person gives you.
Once I started focusing on my own joy, my own dreams, my own passions—I felt free in a way I never had before.
10. You Deserve a Life That Feels Good
One of the biggest lessons divorce taught me was that I deserve more than just “okay.”
I deserve a life that excites me, that makes me feel alive.
And so do you.
If your relationship made you feel small, unloved, or unseen, know that you deserve better. Y
ou deserve a love that lifts you up, but more importantly, you deserve to create a life that brings you happiness on your own terms.
I have a post here on dating advice for singles that you might enjoy.
11. Rebuilding Your Life Is Scary—But Also Exciting
Starting over can be terrifying.
The uncertainty, the fear of the unknown, the “what ifs.” But it can also be exhilarating.
Divorce is not the end of your story; it’s the beginning of a new chapter.
And this time, you get to write it exactly how you want.
12. Growth Comes from Pain
Pain is an unwelcome teacher, but it’s a powerful one.
I am not the same person I was before my divorce.
I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve evolved. Hardship has a way of shaping us into stronger, wiser, more compassionate versions of ourselves.
I have been able to help so many other women (a lot of them my own friends) find happiness after divorce and trust me when I say, that it’s just a long tunnel but you’re going to reach the light at the end of it.
Trust that this experience is teaching you something valuable.
13. You Will Be Okay—Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It Right Now
There were moments I thought I’d never be okay again.
That the sadness would swallow me whole. But here I am, standing, thriving, living a life that I love. And you will too.
One day, you’ll look back at this chapter and realize how far you’ve come. You are not broken.
You are becoming.
Final Thoughts
If you’re going through a divorce, know this: You are not alone.
You are not failing. You are not unworthy of love or happiness.
This is just a part of your journey, and it will lead you to something greater. Trust yourself, be kind to yourself, and take it one day at a time.
What lessons has divorce taught you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Let’s support each other in this journey of healing and growth.
