I’m writing this post because I know what it’s like to feel like absolute crap after a breakup.
It affected me more than I thought it would.
I didn’t realize how much of my self-worth I had tied to a relationship until it ended.
Suddenly, I wasn’t just grieving him—I was grieving the version of me that existed when I felt wanted, when I felt chosen.
I felt like such a failure after the relationship ended.
After the breakup, I looked in the mirror and barely recognized the woman staring back.
Was I not enough? Was I too much? Did I talk too much?
Should I have been quieter? Less emotional? I replayed every moment, wondering where I went wrong.
And that shame? That emptiness? It didn’t go away overnight.
It settled into my bones.
But here’s the thing: breakups can shatter you, but they can also be the beginning of a deep, soulful rebuild.
You can become the kind of woman who not only gets her confidence back but also makes it unshakeable.
If you’re feeling like your self-esteem took a beating, here’s how to start healing and coming home to yourself again.
1. Stop Blaming Yourself for Everything That Went Wrong
I know this is hard, but I want you to do this.
It’s easy to replay all the fights and flaws and think, “Maybe if I had just been better, he would’ve stayed.”
But relationships are two people, not one.
And one person can’t carry it alone.
You are not responsible for his emotional immaturity. Or his cheating.
Or his inability to love you the way you deserved.
Or maybe he just wanted different things. It can also be nobody’s fault.
Stop rewriting the past to make it your fault.
That kind of guilt keeps you stuck.
And you don’t need to stay stuck anymore.
2. Cut Ties With Things That Trigger Your Pain
Photos, texts, songs, locations… even mutual friends.
If it triggers a wave of shame or grief, distance yourself from it.
You don’t have to burn your whole life down, but you do need a buffer between you and the pain while you heal.
Delete the old messages.
Unfollow his sister.
Mute the playlist you made together.
Give your heart some space to breathe.
3. Start Doing the Things He Never Noticed or Supported
Maybe he rolled his eyes when you talked about your art.
Maybe he never asked about your job. Maybe he said your goals were unrealistic.
Now’s the time to return to you.
Pick up that hobby. Dive back into your passions. Start the damn YouTube channel. Wear the outfit he thought was “too much.”
Do the things that light you up—without needing anyone’s validation but your own.
My ex had a problem with me meeting friends. He always insisted that I didn’t need them.
I constantly avoided them to make him happy and it was a mistake.
So, I started making friends and I started seeing the ones I loved and cherished.
4. Speak to Yourself the Way You Wish He Had
If he made you feel small, if he criticized or ignored you, you’ve probably internalized that voice.
Catch it.
And change it.
Replace “I’m so annoying” with “I’m worthy of being heard.”
Replace “I’m not good enough” with “I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m already valuable.”
You become what you repeatedly tell yourself. Speak with the softness and strength you craved in the relationship.
5. Write Down Every Time You Start to Feel Worthless
Keep a journal. Not for his memory.
For yours.
Every time the thoughts creep in—”He didn’t love me, so I must be broken”—write it down.
Then ask: is this true? Or is this just hurt talking?
Use that space to rewrite the story. Not as someone who was abandoned, but as someone who survived.
6. Reconnect With People Who Make You Feel Like Yourself
Call your best friend. Go see your mom.
Revisit the people who knew you before him.
Let them reflect back the parts of you that still exist. The fun. The depth. The light. The weirdness.
You are not just someone who got dumped. You’re still the girl who makes people laugh until they cry. The one with dreams. With magic in her.
Let the people who love you remind you of who you are.
7. Don’t Rush Into Another Relationship To Prove You’re Worthy
I’ve done this and I’ve known people who’ve done it. It’s never a good solution.
Sometimes we think, “If I can find someone new, it means I’m lovable again.”
But your worth doesn’t need to be proven. And the next person isn’t a fix—they’re just another human with their own baggage.
Give yourself space to heal without the pressure of a new romance. Let your heart come home to you before it tries to love anyone else.
8. Move Your Body With Love
Not to lose weight. Not to be “hotter.”
But to remember you have a body. And it’s yours.
Still beautiful.
Still worthy.
Go for walks. Stretch. Dance in your room. Take a yoga class. Not for him. For you.
Feel yourself coming back into your own skin.
9. Remind Yourself Daily That Healing Isn’t Linear
Some days you’ll feel fierce and independent. Some days you’ll sob over a memory you thought you were over.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken. That means you’re human.
Don’t beat yourself up for having hard days. Just keep showing up. Keep choosing yourself. Again and again.
10. Say This Out Loud: “I Am Still Worthy of Love”
Even if you whisper it. Even if you don’t believe it yet.
Say it.
Because you are.
Because no man’s rejection gets to rewrite your worth.
Because your heart—bruised and tired and healing—still has so much to offer.
Final Thoughts
Rebuilding your self-esteem after a breakup isn’t about pretending you’re fine. It’s not about becoming someone new just to prove you’re okay.
It’s about returning to yourself. Gently. Daily. Fully.
You were whole before him. You’re still whole now.
This is your season of remembering that. Of rooting back into your worth. Of standing in your own damn light again.
And one day soon, you’ll look in the mirror and see her again.
The girl who knows her value.
The girl who glows.
The girl who never needed to be chosen to be enough.
Because she always was.
