Last Updated on March 11, 2024 by Angela Vaz
You discovered your boyfriend was cheating.
I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart.
I know what you’re going through because I’ve been through the same.
I found out my husband was cheating on me after 9.5 years of being together and I was devastated.
I felt like my whole world had turned upside down.
I couldn’t breathe.
And it felt like I had lost everything.
When you discover your partner has been cheating, it can come as a huge shock. Feelings of denial, anger, betrayal, sadness and more will wash over you.
And the first thing you’ll want to do is to make things right, to somehow make him realize that you’ve been wronged, that he’s ruined the relationship.
I know, because I had the same feelings.
You want to learn how to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad.
Let’s talk about it.
I will cover everything I did and everything I suggest so that you can find happiness and move on from this horrible incident as soon as humanely possible.
Let’s dive in.
But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.
This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.
1. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions
I still remember the day I found out my ex was cheating on me.
I was trying to pay a bill from his laptop because he had my account details and his chat was open on his laptop.
There were several photos of our married neighbor and him in our house.
I was stunned.
As I kept scrolling, I realized that they were sleeping together every time I left the house to take my mom to the hospital.
She was dying from 4th stage cancer and my ex was cheating on me while I was tending to my ailing mom.
Nothing in the world prepared me for that.
I was in shock.
I packed my bags and left the house within 3 days. I talk about the whole cheating episode in this post.
But during that time, I would cry for hours each day.
I don’t remember eating or sleeping much at all.
Even though I rented another apartment, I would crash at my parent’s place every night.
One day, I’d be angry and furious. The next day, I’d cry or feel numb again.
I vented a lot to my friends and family.
They played a huge part in my healing process.
But I have realized this over the last few years: no matter how a relationship ends, you will feel like absolute shit for the first few weeks.
Healing isn’t linear in any way.
One day you might feel great, only to crash the next.
This is normal.
Don’t fight it.
Scream into a pillow or cry your eyes out.
It’s okay.
And at any cost, don’t do drugs or drown in alcohol.
This is like putting a bandaid over a deep wound – it will solve the problem temporarily before making the problem worse.
Your mind wants a release, so let it release all the pent-up anger, sadness, and feelings of betrayal. Do what comes naturally to you.
Just don’t take revenge. Don’t destroy any of his possessions. You don’t want to do this because you shouldn’t stoop to his level.
You’re better than that.
At the end of the day, you cannot control his actions – only yours.
2. Take some time for yourself
Just because your relationship has come to an end, doesn’t mean that your life has to stop.
Right now, you need to take care of yourself because no one else is going to. You are going to get over this heartbreak.
Your boyfriend has made it clear that his priorities lie elsewhere.
So, step up.
Take the time you need to get back on your feet.
If you want to take some time off work to sleep, do that.
If you want to watch movies all day, do that.
Like I said earlier, the first few days/weeks are going to be very hard.
It’s going to feel like you’re in a tunnel and you can’t see the light at the end.
But there is a light.
You are going to make it.
You just can’t see it yet. I promise you will get through this.
Everyone does.
You just have to hold on for a bit.
3. Cut off from your ex completely
A lot of people ask me why I didn’t go back to my ex.
Even if he hadn’t run away with the neighbor woman, I still wouldn’t have gone back to him.
My ex never apologized or tried to make amends.
He maintained that she was the perfect woman for him.
I later found out through neighbors that he was also sleeping with dozens of prostitutes while sleeping with both of us.
So obviously, nobody was enough for him.
When a person cheats on you, it’s more than just satisfying an itch for them.
It also means:
- He had no respect for your time and the relationship
- He could have ended the relationship with you so that both of you could have found better and more suitable partners
- He could have communicated his problems with you if he wasn’t happy in the relationship and wanted to fix it
- He could have let you go instead of lying and cheating
Your partner decided to lie and cheat.
He knew what he was doing and if he’s apologizing now, it simply means that he never expected to get caught but he did.
He may regret it, but please understand that people who cheat mostly do so because they are terribly insecure.
They have an inferiority complex and will give themselves to anyone who makes them feel good about themselves.
Sometimes, people cheat because they’re bored.
But I can guarantee you, that 99% of the time, it’s not personal.
It’s not because:
- You were not enough
- You were not perfect
- You weren’t a good partner
Don’t beat yourself up.
It’s so easy to go down that rabbit hole and overthink a lot about why he cheated.
But don’t do it.
It’s not worth trying to explain to him what he did was wrong and tell him how you feel.
Because you are not going to get closure. Closure is a myth.
No amount of talking, explaining, or discussing is going to bring back the relationship you’ve lost.
The trust is broken forever.
The relationship is obviously never going to be the same.
Let it go.
Let him go.
The only way you can move on is if you close the door and start afresh.
You need to focus on the relationship you have with yourself now.
4. Do not take revenge
It’s going to be very tempting to take revenge or get back at your boyfriend.
Don’t.
Hatred and anger are not the answer.
You should let go, not for him, but for yourself.
As long as you continue to dwell on your partner and who he is dating or what he’s doing – you will never move on.
Please understand that you’ve spent way too much time worrying about someone that has hurt you.
In order to heal, you need to start putting more time into the relationship with yourself.
Focus on you now.
Not him, not his friends, not the woman he’s seeing.
If you’re trying to make your boyfriend feel bad, realize that this is not the answer.
I found myself so much at peace when I started focusing on my life, my dogs, and my work after I found out my ex was cheating on me.
If your cheating ex is trying to be friends, put an end to it. Nothing good is going to come out of that – trust me.
You need to heal.
You need to get over this and fall in love with your life again.
This is going to take time and you can only do this properly if you have enough space and distance from your ex.
5. Know that you are so much more than your relationship
I remember feeling like I’d lost everything after I discovered that my ex was cheating on me.
This feeling is very common.
We feel like that because we take everything else for granted.
I want you to take some time to think about your role in this world – your role other than being a partner.
Think about your role as a:
- Parent or child
- Pet-parent
- Sibling
- Friend
- Co-worker or boss
- Neighbor
There are so many people who value your relationship with them and you are so much more than a partner.
You are a child, a sibling, a parent, and so much more.
Put more effort into these relationships.
Just because one relationship has crashed, doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything.
Your worth doesn’t equal your relationship status.
Just because you’re single now, doesn’t mean your self-worth has decreased in any way.
Yes, your friends might be in relationships, but that’s okay.
Don’t compare.
I remember looking at all my friends and seeing how happy they were with their partners. But I was going down a horrible path.
Some of them weren’t happy in their relationships.
Some of them had been in such bad relationships and had taken time to find their current partners.
You don’t know anyone else’s story except yours.
If your partner cheated on you, all it means is that this person was not right for you.
If you desire to be in a loving and committed relationship, know that you are going to find it.
It may not be tomorrow or this year, but it is going to happen.
Stop the pity party and focus on everything else you have.
When I realized that my parents still loved me, my dogs still adored me and my friends were putting aside everything to make sure I was okay, I knew I hadn’t lost.
6. Let go of the hate
Please understand that the longer you dwell on your ex, the more you’re delaying your healing.
If you want to put this behind you and become stronger and wiser, then you need to put your life in focus – not your cheating boyfriends’.
Your relationship with him wasn’t a waste.
You gave him your heart and you loved with your whole soul.
Take the lessons that you’ve learned with you so that you can be wiser when choosing your next partner.
As you spend time alone, you’ll start to recollect all the red flags you missed when you were dating this man.
These are the red flags you’ll keep in mind when you’re dating again.
But for now, focus on your life.
Remember, hating your boyfriend and thinking about him day and night is not going to bring back the relationship you’ve lost.
Let him go so that you can finally find happiness.
He’s not the only boy in this world.
7. Start rebuilding your life
If you’ve spent weeks thinking about this, it’s time to move on.
Focus on other parts of your life that probably suffered while you were dating your boyfriend.
This is a beautiful and wonderful opportunity to focus on things you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time to do.
For instance:
- Maybe you’ve always wanted to focus on your career, but you never had the time – do it now
- Maybe you wanted to pursue a degree, but you thought the relationship would get jeopardized, do it now
- Maybe you’ve always wanted to go on coffee dates with your friends but you canceled or put your social life on hold because of your boyfriend – go out now.
- Maybe you always wanted to get a pet, but your boyfriend said no – what’s stopping you now?
Start thinking about all the things you’ve put aside and do them now.
Rebuild your life and don’t hesitate to take risks.
After my divorce, I started doing so many wonderful things that made my life so much better.
I joined meet-up groups to make new friends and socialize.
I started taking online classes on Skillshare and Domestika and it helped me improve my skills!
I took long walks and focused on my physical health – meaning I started eating better and exercising.
This not only made me feel better but I started getting compliments from family and friends saying I was looking younger and more attractive.
The idea behind a glow-up is to do it for yourself.
Don’t try to become better to prove your ex wrong or to make him realize what you’ve lost.
Aim higher.
Do it for yourself.
This is the first step of self-love.
8. Learn from people who have been through the same loss and survived
Whenever I am stuck with something, I look for inspiration or advice from people who have traversed the same path I am and have crossed the finish line.
For instance, when I lost my mom to cancer, I read books written by people who have lost their loved ones or gone through incredible loss.
This helped me find hope.
It helped me understand that I am going to get to the finish line because I know deep down that all these people have done it.
Likewise, when I went through this divorce, I read a lot of books that were written by people who came out of these painful breakups/divorces.
I will link to more blog posts that will help you with this at the end of the post, so please check those out.
But my point is, to learn from others.
Don’t give up hope.
Please know that there are so many people who have discovered that their partners were cheating on them.
They used it to grow.
I am so grateful that my ex was cheating on me because it was the final straw. I left and I focused on myself.
I grew from that experience and I finally found love.
I am now with a person who loves me and respects me to the moon and back.
I never would have found him, had I stuck to my ex.
9. Do not date
Do not date, for the love of everything that is good in the world.
When you’ve just come out of a relationship, you are going to want to heal first.
If you look for a partner now, you are not going to make the best choices.
This is because you are vulnerable.
You are hurt, grieving, and trying to get over your ex.
Do not date.
Again, do not try to date just because your ex has found someone else.
It’s alright if he has moved on – that’s his life.
Please don’t date because anyone who shows you a little bit of kindness is going to look like a good choice to you.
You may also have trust issues and this is going to not help you while you’re dating.
You need to heal first.
You need to get over this person and this relationship and put it behind you.
You need some time.
Take some time.
You are not on a clock, this is not a race and you have nothing to prove to anyone.
Put yourself first.
And right now give yourself that time and space to heal.
You have been through a traumatic incident – being cheated on is something I wish on no one because it causes a lot of emotional and mental damage.
Here are signs you are recovering from a breakup – if you feel you have recovered from the break-up, then only should you consider going out on a date again.
10. Start loving yourself
Self-love simply means showing yourself the same kindness you’d show others.
Imagine a dear friend of yours has just gone through a breakup, you’re not going to tell them to simply get over it.
You’d listen to how they feel and you’d show them care and love.
You’d give them time and care for them till they’re back on their feet.
Why is it so easy for us to show others that kindness and not ourselves?
This is what self-love is about.
It’s about understanding that we too need that love and care and instead of looking for it from others, we give it to ourselves.
It’s about giving ourselves time, space, and love so that we feel self-fulfilled and nourished.
It means loving ourselves so much that we don’t feel the need to look outside for love.
At this point, you shouldn’t be searching for love outside of yourself.
Take some time to get over this incident.
How do you love yourself?
This is not a question I can answer in one sentence, so please read my whole guide here on loving yourself as a single woman/man.
Self-love is so much more than lighting a bunch of scented candles and lying in a bathtub of roses.
It means nurturing yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically.
You can do this by:
- Talking to friends and family and venting
- Cultivating your relationships with your loved ones
- Taking walks and exercising to get those dopamine and serotonin hits
- Eating right so that you nourish yourself from within
- Focusing on work that makes you rejoice
Start working on incorporating healthy habits so that you can start feeling better and becoming happier from within.
And that’s how you make a cheating boyfriend feel bad.
You don’t.
You focus on yourself, your goals, and your life.
You stop caring about your cheating boyfriend because he does not matter anymore.
He isn’t worth the mental space or the time.
You are.
Do cheaters regret what they did?
Yes, some of them do at a later point in time.
But they only regret mostly because they got caught.
They lost the comfort of being in a stable relationship while having an affair on the side.
The thrill of doing both kept them going and it was addictive – it gave them a sense of satisfaction.
Making your cheating boyfriend regret shouldn’t be your priority.
It’s not important because it is not going to bring back the relationship you’ve lost.
How do you react to a cheating boyfriend?
You prove to yourself that they are no longer a big part of your life.
The best way to get back at someone is to completely cut them out of your life and focus on your own life.
This is when you’ve made it.
When you realize that they don’t matter and they aren’t contributing to your welfare or peace of mind – that’s when you should start focusing on yourself.
You make yourself the center of your world.
You start focusing on things that bring you real joy and actually add value to your life.
Conclusion
If you notice, I don’t talk about revenge or harboring ill feelings for your ex.
I don’t believe in doing anything that takes away from my mental peace.
My peace is very important to me and it should be to you as well.
The more you chase feelings of anger and revenge, the longer you will take to heal from the cheating – the longer you are putting your life on hold.
I realized that my time was very precious to me, so I wasted no time looking at the past.
I focused on my present because that’s all I have.
Here are a few more posts to help you heal and fall in love with yourself:
- How I got over my cheating ex and found happiness
- What I did to stop overthinking – after finding my ex cheating
- What to say to the girl he’s cheating on you with
- Does he love you if he’s cheating on his girlfriend with you?
- Will I ever find love again? Yes, read this
- Will I ever find someone better than my ex? Yes, read this
- How to get over heartbreak when you still love him
- How to stop missing your ex when it hurts so much
- Should You Take Him Back? If He Cheated on You With His Ex
- Will a narcissist ever miss you? Read this
- 7 books on self-love every woman should read
- 11 warm and comforting books to read when you’re down
- 7 best books to read after a breakup
- 7 Clear Signs He Doesn’t Want You to Move On
- 7 Healthy Habits to Develop in Your 30s as a Woman
- I Hate My Ex-Husband So Much – What I did to Stop and Move on
- How to Go Out Alone as a Woman (Safely & Comfortably)
