Last Updated on March 11, 2024 by Angela Vaz
When you just start dating or are in a relationship, it can be difficult to read the other person and understand where they are coming from.
Maybe you’re more into him than he is into you.
And it’s important to not overstep boundaries because at that point you are trying to make a good impression.
Dating is all about boundaries.
And it’s important to know where you stand when you’re dating.
In this post, I want to talk about signs he doesn’t want you sexually and what to do if that’s the situation.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating for a while or have been in a relationship for a long time, this post will work for you.
This post is respectful and doesn’t in any way promote harassment or blind hatred.
At the end of the day, you have to remember that everyone is entitled to their choices, even if it doesn’t make sense to you.
Maybe you fancy him, but he doesn’t return your feelings.
In that case, let go.
Never try to force a relationship with someone who isn’t into you. It’s not going to work in the long run.
Let’s dive in.
But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.
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1. He makes almost zero physical contact
After 2-3 dates, if he is still not comfortable touching you on the shoulders or elbows, or makes absolutely zero physical contact, something is off.
It could be a sign that he is very respectful of your boundaries, but that’s very rare.
If you’re crossing the street and he refuses to guide you by touching your back or just holding your elbow, you’ll know that he is being wary of touching you.
In this case, it’s obvious that he sees you more as a companion or acquaintance than a person he wants to sleep with eventually.
2. He doesn’t compliment your appearance
If you’ve been going out for a few dates and he’s never said anything to compliment your appearance or say things like:
- You look really nice today
- I love the way your eyes sparkle when you talk
- You have gorgeous hair
- You have very pretty hands
Then, he probably isn’t into you that way.
Usually, when a man wants you sexually, he will make these comments and try to get you to realize that he finds you very desirable.
If he’s not making any such comment, he probably just likes you as a friend.
Even if you’ve been together for a long time, every couple should appreciate each other from time to time.
I’ve been dating my man for so long, but I still tell him how beautiful his eyes are.
3. He doesn’t make eye contact
Watch him while he’s talking to you or you’re talking to him.
Is he constantly looking down at the table or at the floor?
Does he usually avert his gaze when you both are talking for more than a few seconds?
If that’s the case, then he is definitely not extremely comfortable with you and doesn’t see you that way.
He may even be extremely uncomfortable and start stammering if you try to maintain eye contact for too long.
This is a sign he wants nothing more than a friendly conversation or a friendship.
4. He doesn’t flirt with you
Pay attention to the texts he sends and the way he frames his words while he talks.
Is it playful?
Is he flirty?
Does he try to prolong the conversations?
Does he like jabbing you for no reason to get a response?
These are all ways men convey that they are deeply interested in a woman.
And if he doing none of this, chances are he isn’t into you in that way.
If you notice that he is constantly sticking to the point and being very formal with you or never goes off-topic, then he is probably keeping a healthy distance and wants nothing more from your relationship.
A lot of women mistake this for a man being shy, but it’s not true.
Sometimes, men are just being very direct and telling you that they appreciate you being their friend/colleague.
And the flirting never goes away. It definitely decreases after you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, but it’s important to keep things playful even then.
5. He avoids situations where you both are alone together
If you constantly feel like he tries to get other people involved and invites you to get-togethers where there are other people, then he probably doesn’t see you that way.
When a man wants a woman, he will try to get her into a situation where they both are alone so he can start being more romantic and make his intentions clear.
But if none of that is happening and he is constantly getting other people into the loop, then he is probably not interested in pursuing a relationship with you.
6. He talks about other women
If he is constantly talking about other women and commenting on their physical appearances or telling you about how wonderful they are, then chances are he sees you as a friend.
When you really, really like someone, you only have eyes for them.
If he is constantly bringing up other women, it’s a huge sign he doesn’t want you sexually.
7. He calls you “bro” or “dude”
If he constantly calls you “bro” or “dude” and refers to you as the guy friend he’s never had or treats you like a little sister, knows that he has kinda told you where you stand.
This does mean that he isn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with you in that way.
8. He is always busy
If a man is interested in you sexually, he is going to prioritize you.
If he is always busy or makes up excuses and pushes your meetings or rendezvous to the future, then know that he is simply not interested.
When a man really wants you, he will make time for you.
He will move heaven and earth to spend time with you.
I remember when I was dating my boyfriend in the early days and whenever I asked him if he was too busy for a coffee, he would say “Of course not!”
He always made time to see me and I knew deep down that he was just as interested in me as I was in him.
9. He gets annoyed with you
When a man cares about a woman, he is going to be patient and kind.
When he’s over her, all that patience vanishes. And he is going to be irritable, moody, and grumpy.
If you feel he constantly loses his cool around you and is always snapping at you or making snide remarks, there is a very good chance that he is no longer into you in that way.
My ex-husband became like this when he started having an affair with our neighbor.
He became snappy, argumentative, and very moody. He’d constantly blow his top and get upset over the littlest of things.
This is a very strong sign that he isn’t into you sexually.
When someone constantly gets irritated, it means that he just no longer sees you as a partner.
He has moved on internally and is looking for faults in the relationship so that he can move on physically too.
10. He isn’t taking care of himself physically
When a man is interested in a woman, he will groom himself.
He will take care of his hair and wear good, nice-fitting clothes and try to be attractive to her because he wants her just as much as he wants her to know she turns him on.
If he isn’t grooming himself for you and always looks like he just stepped out of a zombie apocalypse, then chances are he just doesn’t see you the same way you see him.
So, note how he dresses. Note he behaves with you.
See if there is a mutual interest.
Things to look out for are:
- Is he wearing heavy perfume? Is he trying to smell good?
- Is he wearing formal clothes? Does he go out of the way to dress up on your dates?
- Is he prim and proper? Or does he wear shorts and sneakers?
When a man wants to move you, he will try his best to look charming and dress up.
It doesn’t matter if you know him for a while or you’re just getting to know him – this stands true irrespective of time.
11. He doesn’t make eye contact during sex
If he is not looking at you when he’s making love to you, then he is thinking of something else or someone else.
This is a huge sign that a lot of people ignore.
When you love someone or are vibing with them, you will look them in the eye when you’re getting intimate.
If he is not even giving you that much, he is definitely elsewhere even though he’s present with you physically.
12. He gives you one-word answers
When a man is deeply interested in you, he will make it very clear.
If he constantly tries to keep the conversations short and ends them almost instantaneously, it’s obvious that he is not interested.
One-word answers simply mean that he is trying to be polite or he sees you as a good friend and doesn’t want to overstep his boundaries.
13. He is always on his phone around you
If you can never find time to talk to him because he is always busy and he is always on the phone, this is a huge sign that he isn’t into you sexually.
If he is always on his phone even when both of you are in bed, this is not a good sign.
If you feel your partner has a stronger relationship with his phone than you, then this is a very strong sign that he isn’t interested in you sexually.
14. He avoids sex
You feel like whenever you bring it up or you try to initiate sex, he deflects the idea.
He is either busy or always comes up with excuses and will say that he just doesn’t feel like it or he has a headache or doesn’t feel too good.
Either way, if the excuses are piling up and you feel like he isn’t showing interest, chances are he has just lost his sexual desire or he just isn’t into you in that way anymore.
15. He passes negative remarks about your physical attributes
Please note that no matter how long you’ve been with a person, nobody should ever make you feel insecure about your looks.
If he is commenting on your body or saying things like:
- Why don’t you dress up like her?
- That’s a lot of cellulite you have
- Do you really think you can pull off that bathing suit? You’re not that skinny.
- Why are you wearing a sleeveless top? Your arms are really fat.
- Why don’t you try losing more weight?
These comments are NOT okay.
Nobody should stand for them and if your partner or the person you are dating is talking to you like this, leave.
There is no compromise.
There is no talking about it.
Just leave.
Such people usually are very insecure and the voice you hear is the voice they hear in their head.
They basically project what they have.
And if they are filled with self-hatred, chances are they will put all of that on you.
16. He is emotionally distant
He doesn’t respond to you the way he used to.
Maybe your conversations have died and no matter what you try, you can’t perk them up again.
You feel like you’ve lost him.
Or a part of him that you loved has died.
You feel like you cannot connect with him anymore and he’s so indifferent to you that it sometimes scares you.
I know what it feels like because I’ve gone through with it.
17. He ghosts you
If he ghosts you while texting and doesn’t reply for days together or always ends the conversation abruptly, it’s obvious that he is only interested in being your friend or an acquaintance.
When a man is interested in a woman, he will not stop pursuing her.
He will make it clear that he is super interested and is interested in getting to know you.
18. You feel invisible to him
When a man adores a woman, he will make sure that she is seen.
If your partner the man you’re seeing constantly talks over you, doesn’t give you any attention, and cannot even notice big changes, chances are he’s just not into you.
If a man really digs you, he’ll understand when you’re really upset.
He’ll know when you’re hurting.
He’ll be able to tell if you’re overly excited and he’ll be happy for you.
If you feel like nothing you say makes him notice you, chances are he just isn’t into you in that way.
19. He isn’t taking care of himself down there
If you both are undressing and you notice that he isn’t clean down there or his personal hygiene is poor, then something is definitely wrong.
When a man gets intimate with a woman or plans to do so, he will make sure that he washes down there and is presentable.
If you can tell that he hasn’t had a shower in a long time or is grubby, then chances are he just isn’t into having sex with you.
I know this hurts, but it’s better to be armed with the truth than to continue believing a lie.
20. He tries to finish asap
If you both are getting intimate and you notice that he isn’t paying any attention to you or even trying to make it last longer, chances are he’s just in it for himself.
He just probably wants to get off.
I know this isn’t the best thing to hear, but when a man and woman have sex, they should both want to be there for the other person.
If all he wants to do is race to the finish line, chances are he really isn’t into you that way and he’s just focused on himself.
21. He prefers masturbating to having sex with you
This one is self-explanatory.
If your guy prefers doing it on his own to making love to you frequently, something isn’t quite right.
This is a huge sign that he is no longer into you sexually and prefers getting off on his own.
It means he is no longer attracted to you sexually and he’s vibing to a different kind of music.
What do I do if we’ve been together a while and he is no longer into me?
Talk to him.
You can go outside for as much help as you need, but at the end of the day, the relationship is between you and him.
Sit down without distractions and talk to him.
Listen to everything he’s saying without getting upset or mad.
Just listen.
Take some time to analyze what is happening.
- Is he having an affair?
- Have his goals and values changed?
- Has he fallen out of love because something else has taken precedence?
- Do you both want different things now?
- Is he depressed or going through something horrible and is that the reason why the relationship is no longer what it once was?
Find out the real reason why he has lost interest or why things have changed.
And once you have, make a decision.
A relationship is between 2 people – both people should want to make it work in order for it to work.
It doesn’t matter if you still want him and love him, but if he doesn’t feel the same way – you need to let him go.
It hurts.
It definitely hurt me when I spent 9.5 years with a man and I found out he was sleeping with someone else.
But I moved on.
I didn’t stay 1 second longer.
I respected myself and I moved away from a person that didn’t want me.
You cannot force love, you cannot force a relationship.
That isn’t how it works.
If I had never left that relationship, I’d never have found my current partner.
My current partner loves me just as much as I love him. We have deep respect and affection for each other and I never would have found this person had I continued to stick to the wrong guy.
So, let go.
Because at the end of the day, everybody who wants love deserves to have it.
They shouldn’t have to beg, plead or ask for it.
How do you tell if a guy wants you to leave him alone?
I see it this way: If a guy really wants to be in a relationship with you, they’ll make it clear.
If you have doubts, then talk to him.
We live in a world where communication solves over 95% of our problems. It’s nothing to be ashamed of – you just want some clarity.
Some people do give mixed signals and it can boil down to the fact that they don’t know what they really want.
There are no rules as to who should approach whom first anymore.
Just talk to the person and tell him you’re into him. Ask him out for dinner or for a coffee (if dinner sounds too over-ambitious).
See where it leads.
Take it one step at a time.
If you notice that he is showing a keen interest in you, take it one step forward.
If not, let it go.
He is not your person and that’s okay!
It’s not a big deal if you get rejected, it simply means both of you are better suited for other people or both of you have different needs and wants – there is no reason to punish yourself for that.
Let go and move on.
Try again with a new person.
Best of luck!
Dating is not easy, and it involves learning a lot of things:
- How to read people
- How to be more confident
- How to develop a better personality
- How to be kind and let go of people that don’t want the same things you do
- How to do be okay with rejection
It’s a game everyone has to learn to play in order to find the right partner.
Conclusion
If a man doesn’t want you sexually, you need to be okay with that.
It just means that both of you have different wants and needs, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Let go and move on.
Find someone else.
You don’t need to change who you are to get someone to like you, remember this.
There is a person out there (or several persons out there) who actually wants to date you and finds you super attractive.
Here are a few more posts you may find helpful:
- 13 signs he feels inferior to you + what to do about it
- 17 signs he is only into you for your body
- 17 Unmistakable Situationship Red Flags that You Should Heed
- How to Glow Up After a Breakup – Here’s Everything I Did
- He Rejected Me But Still Acts Interested – Why and What to Do?
- 17 Undeniable Signs Your Boyfriend is Using You Financially
- 7 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend never Buys You Anything
- My Biggest Mistake – Never Depend on a Man for Money
- 7 Healthy Habits to Develop in Your 30s as a Woman
- How to love yourself as a single person
- The ultimate guide to loving yourself completely
