Struggling with singleness? What I did to combat this

Last Updated on March 11, 2024 by Angela Vaz

Being single has its pros and cons.

Some days, it can make you feel free and give you abundant peace. You don’t feel tied down or burdened with responsibilities.

But sometimes, it can feel like a curse.

And while you’re struggling with singleness, you may get thoughts like:

• Why am I single?
• Am I not good enough?
• Why are all my friends in relationships?
• Don’t I deserve to be happy?
• Is this all there is in life?
• Will I ever have someone to share this life with?
• Will I be alone all my life?

These are all completely natural thoughts that will come and go in your head and heart while you are single.

I know because I’ve been there.

I want to cover everything I should have been told while I was single in this post.

But in short, it does get better.

It WILL get better.

But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.

This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.

Is being single unhealthy?

No.

Being single is not unhealthy.

Let me clear the air and outright say it: There is nothing wrong with being single.

If you are happy being single and don’t feel the need for a relationship, that’s completely okay.

Don’t be goaded into getting a partner just because society claims that it is the only way to go about it.

A person can be single at any point in their life.

I was single at the age of 28 after a long relationship that ended in divorce and another long relationship.

My dad, who lost my mum to cancer, was single at 66.

I have a friend who is single at the age of 51.

There is no right way to go about this.

Your relationship status doesn’t define who you are as a person.

It shouldn’t get even to define your happiness.

You can choose to be single by choice, or maybe you just haven’t found the right partner yet, or circumstances have left you single.

Either way, it’s okay.

No matter what your choice is, being single is not unhealthy.

Why does being single hurt so much?

Sometimes, it can be a series of disappointments that get to you.

You may be going on extremely unfulfilling dates that feel like you’re going nowhere, or perhaps you’ve been single for a long time, and you’re tired of waiting for a change.

It can also be very disheartening to see people around you in relationships while you’re navigating the single life.

That’s where I was.

Every single friend of mine was either married or in a long-term relationship. And I was single.

It did hurt. It hurt me bad.

I’d see couples walking hand in hand, and I’d have to find ways to divert my mind.

But here’s the thing, sweetheart.

You should never compare your life to others.

They may have problems of their own.

• Maybe they don’t have a happy relationship but they’re staying out of fear of being alone.
• Or their relationship may be on the rocks and they’re working on it.
• Or they have financial concerns or have trouble conceiving.
• Or both partners have had shitty pasts and they’ve found solace in one another.

You don’t know anybody’s life story except your own.

Remember this.

You only know your story. So focus on your own life. Focus on overcoming your own battles.

Let’s get into how we can feel better about being single.

Struggling with singleness? 13 ways to cope with being single

1. There is a purpose and it will become to clear to you in some way

I do believe in a God.

I also believe in the universe.

But I knew this much that I always have had the desire to be in a loving and committed relationship. And that desire was there for a reason.

You don’t need to believe in religion to have faith.

If at all you’re in the same boat where you have the desire to be in a loving and committed relationship, know in your heart that you will find someone someday.

Perhaps you are not ready, or your future partner isn’t ready either.

Perhaps there are things both you and your partner have to complete before you find one another.

I found my partner after I made peace with being single.

He, too, had been through his share of heartache and had been healing for a long time.

The day I felt I was okay being single and had made peace with it, I found love.

There were many days I lost faith.

But I knew that someday I would find love. Because I had the desire, and it was there for a reason.

Have faith.

2. Don’t stop living just because you’re single

Do every single thing your heart wants you to do.

Every single thing.

Do you want to travel the world? Go do it.

Do you want to start an online business? Start one today.

Are you itching to play a musical instrument? Buy one today.

There are so many things you can do while you’re single.

People who are in relationships aren’t fused at the hip. They do the things they want to do because it makes them happy.

Their identities aren’t one.

They are two individual people who choose to spend their lives together. That’s all it is.

3. Everyone’s life story is different

Isabelle might find her partner at 15.

Jenny might find her partner at 35.

Likewise, you may find yours at any age.

If you’ve lost love, you will find it again if your heart is open and ready to love again.

This world is filled with billions of people looking for love.

You will find love when you and your partner are ready for each other.

So, do not go down the comparison train at any point and feel like there is a certain age that you should be married.

The more you pressurize yourself, the more unhappy you will be.

Understand this.

There are some things you just can’t control.

So focus on things you can control and disregard everything else.

4. Work on yourself

Remember that if your future goal is to be in a relationship, it will happen at some point.

But that doesn’t mean you should be unhappy now while waiting for it.

Do the things you want to do.

Create personal goals for yourself.

And focus on becoming a better person – whether it is controlling your anger, or working on your patience or productivity, do things that help you become a better person.

Today, I am grateful that I spent my single life working on myself because I was at the right place when I met my partner.

Had I to be the angry, moody, impatient girl I was, we probably never would have connected the way we did.

Life was preparing me for something special, and in all honesty, I am glad that I spent that time being single – it taught me how to wait for love patiently.

A few related posts you may enjoy:

• How to be a nicer person
• How to make every single day count
• How to enjoy the simple things in life
• 35 honest ways to reset your life
• 15 ways to get a fresh start this year

5. Surround yourself with positive influences

I honestly hate the media because they depict single women as sad, lonely beings who will hump anything with half a brain just to get a glimpse of companionship.

It’s very damaging for us humans as a whole to constantly be fed with the notion that being in a relationship has some effect on your self-worth.

No, no, just no!

No doubt, there were days I longed to be in a relationship, but I focussed on other things as well.

Your life is so much more than being in a relationship.

Understand that you as a person have so much to offer!

Your life can be about your work, your love for your pets or family, your time with your friends, or your passions!

Life is beautiful. And a romantic relationship is just one tiny aspect of the whole meaning of life.

It is not your sole identity.

Remember that.

So, learn to love your single life.

6. You’ve made it this far

Here’s what I’ve figured about life.

You’ve literally survived all of your bad days.

You’re reading this article in search of hope or a shred of comfort.

Either way, you’re a fighter.

There is nothing that you cannot handle at this point, and you will continue to go far in your life because you are a strong person.

Single people are invariably strong.

Because they end up being independent, strong-willed, and highly focused.

You aren’t going to be single forever.

Make peace with that and know that things will eventually change.

Nobody knows what the future holds, so you shouldn’t assume that you will be single for as long as you live.

7. Continue to date when you feel like it

You cannot sit at home and expect love to fall into your lap.

I’m sorry, but I have seen many people who are struggling with singleness do this. They sit indoors and expect their future partner to come knocking at their door.

You have to put yourself out there.

And yes, you are going to be disappointed.

You will have to kiss a few frogs before you find your Prince Charming.

That’s just how it is.

If dating gets too much for you, feel free to take a break. That’s completely okay – you do you.

But put yourself out there.

A few ways you can meet people is:

• Sign up for online dating. Talk to people online
• Join meet up groups and meet people who have similar interests as yours
• Initiate conversations with people who pique your interest

Love isn’t something that can happen in a day – if it is, it’s probably infatuation or lust.

Love is built with time.

And love is a decision.

It’s more about compatibility and common goals. The chemistry is built in time. And it will feel right the more you get to know a person.

8. Don’t settle for less

While you’re single, you’re going to get a lot of tempting offers on the table.

You may sometimes feel like getting into a relationship because you’re afraid you’ll find no one.

Remember, you’re only decreasing your chances of finding the right person by saying yes to the wrong person.

Learn to say no and walk away when something doesn’t feel right to you.

This, I learned the hard way.

Being a people pleaser, I’d constantly fight an imaginary battle in my head, saying, “Maybe the person will change.”

No, they won’t.

They’re never going to change.

You either accept them for their flaws or walk away to find someone more compatible with you.

9. Being single is seriously a gift

It gives you time to think, heal, and understand who you really are.

It’s tough to find yourself or discover what you were meant to do when you’re in a relationship.

A relationship is time-consuming.

It’s hard work.

You constantly have to consider your partner’s needs and worry about someone else.

You are given the gift of time.

Use it.

Use it well.

Like I said earlier, you will find someone if you want to be in a relationship. But you have to be willing to let go and find yourself.

So, make good use of being single.

10. Figure out what you want from your future relationship

Many people who found their partners when they were young never really thought it through.

Many people get together when they’re in their early 20s, and their goals change.

One of them wants children while the other wants to travel. They either compromise, or their relationship breaks.

It’s natural.

You are single right now, and you have the time to understand what you want from your future partner and your future relationship.

So, think about it.

Understand your requirements and write them down if you have to.

Ask yourself questions like:

• Do you want kids?
• What kind of partner are you looking for?
• Where do you see your relationship going if you do get in one?
• What qualities do you want in a partner?

Doing this will ensure that the next relationship you have will be a fulfilling one.

11. A relationship is not going to make you happy if you aren’t happy

No relationship in this world will fulfill you if you aren’t happy.

This is a harsh truth my pen pal wrote to me when I was not happy being alone.

It was the slap I needed to stop throwing myself a pity party and find joy in life.

Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone unhappy and miserable.

It’s the truth.

And honey, your happiness should never be based on a single person.

That’s just asking for trouble.

Learn to find happiness and joy in yourself, your passions, your love for things that cannot be taken away from you.

12. Do not ever go back to your exes

Your relationships ended for a reason.

Remember this, no matter what happens.

If you still haven’t healed from your past relationship and you find yourself mulling over what may have happened, then read this post to let go of your ex and recover from heartbreak.

Do not start dating until you’ve healed completely.

You are only going to cause more hurt for yourself and your future dates.

Heal before you start dating.

And most importantly, do not go back to your exes.

The relationship would never have ended if it was meant to happen. One of you was not getting your needs met, and that’s why it came to an end.

Learn to let go of the past and move on to the future.

13. It’s okay to feel low sometimes

Understand that you are human.

Thoughts are going to creep up no matter how strong you are.

This is entirely normal, and it happens to everyone – single or not single.

All mothers feel like being motherless when they’re stressed.

All kids want to be adults at some point because they’re tired of being kids.

We all have our wants and needs, and we long to be loved.

That’s how we’re built.

We’re a bundle of nerves and emotions, and chemicals.

Your thoughts and feelings aren’t facts.

So, give in to your negative feelings once in a while and pamper yourself. Focus on other relationships – like your friendships or your role as a sister or daughter.

Do something that makes you happy and do it well.

Conclusion – how can I stop worrying about being single?

You don’t know the future.

You only know your past.

And your past certainly doesn’t dictate the future.

So, don’t assume you’re going to be single forever.

It is a phase.

And this phase will pass.

You will find someone you are compatible with. You will find someone who will add to the joy you already have within. You will find someone to share your life with.

And you will be okay.

Know in your heart that this phase of singleness will not last forever.

And move on to brighter and happier things.

You deserve that much.

If you are single, here are a few more posts to help you:

• 13 signs of unrequited love and how to let go
• How to recover from a toxic relationship
• 17 signs it’s time to end the relationship
• Will I ever find someone better than my ex? Yes, here’s why
• 13 signs you are healing from a painful breakup
• What I did to recover from a toxic relationship
• How I got over my cheating ex and moved on
• How to patiently wait for love when you’re tired of being single
• The best dating advice for single women you’ll ever hear
• The Single Girl’s bucket list: 35 exciting things to do
• How to stop letting things bother you
• The ultimate guide to getting over heartbreak and finding happiness again
• 35 honest ways to get your life together
• How to trust the process and just let go
• How to live alone and not be lonely
• How to let go of the past
• 15 ways to get a fresh start this year
• How to create a plan and stick to it