A lot of people tell me I’m brave for leaving my abusive marriage.
But nobody knew that I wanted to leave right after my wedding and I still stayed for 4.5 years.
I never knew what mood my ex would be in when I woke up – if he was happy, I knew I’d get a few hours of peace. But on the days when he would drink, I’d try my best to keep out of his way.
I should have left sooner, but I let fear of what people would think control my actions.
Fear is sneaky.
It disguises itself as caution, logic, or even procrastination.
It whispers in your ear, telling you to wait until you’re “ready,” to play it safe, to not take risks because what if it doesn’t work out?
And before you know it, fear is running the show.
- You stay in jobs you hate because you’re afraid of uncertainty.
- You stay in an unfulfilling relationship because you’re afraid of being alone.
- You don’t chase your dreams because you’re afraid of failure.
- You avoid speaking up because you’re afraid of judgment.
I get it.
Fear feels real.
And in some cases, it’s even necessary—it keeps us from doing reckless things.
But when fear starts dictating your choices, keeping you small, and stopping you from living the life you actually want, it’s no longer protecting you.
It’s controlling you.
If you’re tired of letting fear decide for you, here’s how to take back control.
1. Separate Fear from Reality
Fear often creates worst-case scenarios in your head.
You want to take a big step—maybe start a new business, move to a new city, or tell someone how you feel—but fear jumps in with:
- What if I fail?
- What if people judge me?
- What if I regret it?
Notice how these are all what ifs?
Fear loves to deal with hypotheticals.
But what’s the actual reality? What’s the best-case scenario? What’s the likely middle-ground outcome?
Challenge your fears with logic. Ask yourself:
“Is this fear based on facts or just assumptions?”
Most of the time, you’ll realize that fear is just a story—not reality.
2. Take Small, Brave Steps
Outline them.
This is why I carry a notebook wherever I go. I break down any daunting task into tiny actionable steps.
Fear makes big changes feel overwhelming.
The trick? Stop focusing on the big picture and start taking small, manageable steps.
Want to quit your job but are afraid of financial instability?
Instead of making a drastic leap, start saving money or freelancing on the side.
When I wanted to shift my career path, I planned ahead.
I started taking on more website clients so I could save money. When I’d saved enough money to pay the rent and utility bills for 6 months, I shifted my career.
And within 3 months, I was earning a good income.
Even if it didn’t, I’d have gone back to making websites and saved up for another 6 months before trying again.
Want to start a creative project but fear it won’t be good enough? Commit to 10 minutes a day of working on it—no pressure, just progress.
Courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s action despite fear.
And the more small steps you take, the less power fear has over you.
3. Stop Waiting Until You Feel “Ready”
Here’s the harsh truth: You will never feel 100% ready.
That’s just how it works.
I’ve been in this business for over 10 years now, and the rules change constantly.
Fear will always find an excuse to keep you waiting.
Maybe you’ve told yourself:
- I’ll start once I have more experience.
- I’ll do it when the timing is better.
- I’ll go for it when I have more confidence.
But confidence doesn’t come before action.
It comes from action.
If you wait for fear to disappear before taking a leap, you’ll be waiting forever. Do it scared.
Do it messy.
Do it imperfectly.
But do it.
4. Get Comfortable with Discomfort
Most people assume that everything should be easy, otherwise it’s wrong. That’s why we like to stay in familiar pain.
Fear thrives in discomfort, and most of us try to avoid it at all costs.
But here’s the thing—growth happens in discomfort, not outside of it.
If you want to stop letting fear control you, you have to start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.
- Feel awkward at networking events? Show up anyway.
- Afraid of rejection? Put yourself out there anyway.
- Scared to try something new? Do it anyway.
Every time you push through discomfort, you prove to yourself that fear doesn’t have to stop you.
And over time, what once scared you becomes second nature.
My current partner applied for a job that was very much out of his reach. He was so terrified that he’d be rejected and the application was very hard. He had to compile a 120 page report just to apply. He worked on it mercilessly and applied to it anyway.
He’s now completed 1 year with this client. And he’s so happy he tried.
5. Stop Letting the Fear of Failure Paralyze You
Fear of failure is one of the biggest dream killers out there.
It convinces you that failing means you’re not good enough, and that it’s proof you should quit.
But failure is just feedback.
It’s a lesson, not a life sentence.
I am so thankful to every single failure I’ve had because it’s helped me learn what works and what doesn’t.
I am able to craft headlines that make people click.
Think about successful people you admire—writers, entrepreneurs, athletes.
Every single one of them has failed. Repeatedly.
The difference? They didn’t let failure define them.
Instead of fearing failure, reframe it:
- What can I learn from this?
- How can I improve next time?
- What if this “failure” is actually leading me to something better?
The only real failure? Never having tried at all.
6. Stop Worrying About What People Think
I have a post here on how to stop worrying about what other people think of you.
So many of us stay stuck because we’re terrified of judgment.
- What will people think if I change careers?
- What if they laugh at me?
- What if I fail publicly?
But let’s be honest—most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend much time analyzing your choices.
And even if they do judge? Their opinion does not define you.
At the end of your life, you won’t regret the chances you took.
You’ll regret the ones you didn’t take because you were too worried about what others might think.
So stop letting imaginary critics dictate your life.
7. Trust Yourself
Fear makes you doubt yourself.
It tells you that you’re not smart enough, talented enough, or strong enough. But you are.
I hate social media because it pushes most of us into this over-comparing cycle.
Think back to times when you were scared but did something anyway—maybe a big move, a tough conversation, or a personal challenge.
And guess what? You survived. You grew. You figured it out.
Maybe you went through a painful breakup.
Maybe you left a comfortable home just to make it by yourself?
Maybe you applied for a job that you never thought you’d get into, but you made it!
The more you trust yourself, the quieter your fear becomes.
Whenever fear creeps in, remind yourself:
“I’ve handled challenges before. I can handle this, too.”
You are stronger than your fears.
Always.
Final Thoughts
Fear will never fully disappear. But you don’t have to let it control you.
- Challenge fear with facts.
- Take small steps instead of waiting for the “perfect” moment.
- Embrace discomfort and reframe failure as growth.
- Stop worrying about judgment and start trusting yourself.
The life you want is on the other side of fear.
And the only way to get there? Take the leap.
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