I always believed that I was not this person.
But I’ve had tell-tale signs and I think deep down, a lot of us care about what other people think of us.
Let’s be real—most of us crave validation.
It feels good when someone compliments our work, tells us we made the right decision, or reassures us that we’re on the right track.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be seen, heard, and appreciated.
We’re social creatures, it happens.
But what happens when you need validation to feel good about yourself?
Maybe you hesitate to make a decision unless someone else approves.
Maybe you feel uneasy when people don’t respond positively to your choices.
Or maybe you go out of your way to please others, even if it means ignoring your own needs.
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
But relying too much on external validation is exhausting—it keeps you trapped in a cycle where your happiness depends on what other people think.
And the worst part? No matter how much approval you get, it’s never enough.
The good news? You can break free from this cycle.
Let’s dive into this!
1. Ask Yourself: “Whose Life Am I Living?”
This is a hard question to ask, but it’s necessary if you want to really understand where all of this is coming from.
Every time you seek validation, ask yourself:
“Am I doing this because it aligns with what I truly want, or am I doing it because I want others to approve?”
It’s easy to shape your life around what others expect—your parents, your friends, society.
But at the end of the day, you are the only one who has to live with your decisions.
A young person I met told me she got married because it was expected of her, but she’s not happy. It’s not even been a month and she wants to run away.
She’s now regretting her decision.
If you keep doing what others expect of you, your happiness is at stake.
Start making choices that reflect your values, not just what will get you the most praise.
The more you trust your own judgment, the less you’ll need others to reassure you.
2. Stop Asking for Permission
You’re an adult.
If you constantly wait for someone to validate your decisions, you’re giving away your power.
Think about the times you’ve held back because you were afraid of what others might think.
Maybe you wanted to start a new hobby but worried you weren’t good enough.
Maybe you hesitated to wear an outfit you loved because you weren’t sure how others would react.
Here’s a secret: you don’t need permission to be yourself.
I threw away a beautiful brown outfit because my ex told me “Brown looks horrible on you.”
I still think about all the things I did in that relationship to please him.
In the end, it still didn’t stop him from cheating. Those decisions I made helped nobody.
Start making decisions without over-explaining yourself.
The more you act without seeking approval, the more confident you’ll become in your own choices.
3. Learn to Sit with Discomfort
Everything that is worth having is hard.
One of the hardest things about letting go of validation is dealing with the discomfort that comes with it.
If you’re used to relying on external approval, making independent choices can feel unsettling.
You might wonder: What if people don’t like this? What if they judge me?
But here’s the thing—not everyone will like you. And that’s okay.
The discomfort of not being liked is temporary, but the freedom of living for yourself is forever.
Let yourself feel the discomfort without running back to validation-seeking behaviors. It gets easier over time.
4. Limit Your Social Media Consumption
Social Media is mental health genocide.
Let’s be honest—social media is validation on steroids.
Every like, comment, and share can feel like a little hit of approval. But when you tie your self-worth to online validation, it becomes addictive.
Ask yourself:
- Do I post things mainly for likes and validation?
- Do I feel bad when a post doesn’t get enough engagement?
- Am I comparing my life to others based on what they post?
If the answer is yes, it might be time to take a step back.
Try posting less, scrolling less, and focusing more on real-life experiences rather than how they appear online.
5. Build Internal Validation
Instead of looking outward for approval, start looking inward.
When you accomplish something, pause and ask yourself:
“Am I proud of this? Do I think I did a good job?”
Keep a journal of your achievements, big or small.
Learn to acknowledge your growth without needing someone else to tell you that you’re doing great.
When you validate yourself, you become less dependent on whether others recognize your worth—because you already see it.
6. Stop Explaining Yourself So Much
You don’t need people to see you’re right all the time.
Do you ever feel like you have to justify your choices to others?
- “I’m quitting my job because I just don’t feel happy there anymore.”
- “I didn’t go to the party because I was really exhausted.”
- “I don’t want to date right now because I’m focusing on myself.”
Notice how often you feel the need to explain your decisions.
Now, practice saying less.
You don’t owe everyone an explanation.
A simple, “This is what I’ve decided” is enough. The more you stand firm in your choices, the less validation you’ll seek.
Let people think what they want to think.
The ones who make bold assumptions are not the kind of people you want to please anyway.
People who are open-minded and judgment-free and the people you will attract in your life.
7. Accept That Not Everyone Will Approve—and That’s Okay
No matter what you do, someone will always have an opinion.
Some people won’t understand your choices. Some might even criticize you.
But their opinion does not define your worth.
I need you to understand this.
The moment you stop bending over backward for approval is the moment you reclaim your freedom.
You start making decisions based on what makes you happy, not what pleases everyone else.
And that? That’s real self-validation.
Final Thoughts
Breaking free from the need for validation isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most empowering things you can do.
I promise.
Start by trusting yourself, making choices without over-explaining, and building internal confidence.
The more you validate yourself, the less you’ll need it from others.
Because at the end of the day, the only approval that truly matters… is yours.
