This is something I’ve stuggled with ever since I was a child.
I’m an only child and both my parents had full-time jobs.
Unless I did something exceedingly wonderful, my parents never gave me attention.
This forced me to always be productive.
Months of therapy has helped me understand that I’m wired to always create something otherwise I feel like a failure.
There’s this unspoken weight so many of us carry.
The pressure to do more, be better, achieve faster. The feeling that no matter what you accomplish, it’s never quite enough. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
Maybe you constantly set impossibly high standards for yourself.
Maybe you feel guilty for resting, like you always need to be doing something productive. Maybe you’re afraid that if you slow down, everything will fall apart.
I get it. I’ve been there.
We live in a world that glorifies hustle, perfection, and constant achievement.
It’s easy to feel like you should always be working toward something—a better career, a better body, a better version of yourself.
And when you fall short of these expectations (which, let’s be honest, are often impossible to reach), the self-criticism kicks in.
But here’s the truth: you don’t have to live this way.
The pressure you put on yourself isn’t making you better—it’s making you miserable.
And if you want to feel lighter, freer, and more at peace with yourself, you have to start letting go of it.
Here’s how.
1. Ask Yourself: Where Is This Pressure Coming From?
Pressure doesn’t just appear out of nowhere.
It comes from somewhere—a belief, a fear, an expectation. And until you understand where it’s coming from, it’s hard to loosen its grip.
Really think about this.
Is it coming from society’s expectations? From your parents? From comparing yourself to others? From your own fear of failure?
Take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself:
- Whose voice is in my head when I feel like I need to do more?
- What am I afraid will happen if I don’t meet this standard?
- Is this pressure actually mine, or have I absorbed it from someone else?
Sometimes, just recognizing that the pressure isn’t actually yours to carry is enough to start releasing it.
2. Redefine What Success Means to You
Think about what you really want in life.
Take your time.
And do this without social media, or other distractions. Maybe sit with a notebooks and think about what you really want in your life.
So much of our self-imposed pressure comes from chasing a version of success that isn’t even ours.
Maybe you feel pressure to climb the corporate ladder when all you really want is a peaceful, balanced life.
Maybe you feel like you should be married with kids by now because society says so, even though that’s not what makes you happy.
Ask yourself: What does success actually look like for me? Not for your parents, your friends, or society—for you.
If success to you means having slow mornings, working a job you enjoy (even if it’s not impressive), and having time to be present with the people you love, then let that be enough.
You don’t have to chase someone else’s dream.
And stop worrying about disappointing people, they’re not living your life.
You only get 1 life, sweetheart. Remember that.
Don’t live it for anyone else.
Do it for you.
No, it’s not selfish.
3. Give Yourself Permission to Rest Without Guilt
When was the last time you truly let yourself rest without feeling guilty about it?
Not resting but also checking emails. Not resting but feeling bad about it. Just pure, unapologetic rest?
Read this post on how to have a cozy Sunday.
I want you to learn to relax if you’ve never taken a proper breather.
If you constantly push yourself, remind yourself: rest is not a reward—it’s a necessity.
It’s not something you have to earn by working yourself to exhaustion.
Think about it: Do you judge other people for taking breaks? For slowing down? Probably not. So why do you judge yourself so harshly?
Give yourself the same kindness you’d give a friend. You deserve to breathe, pause, and exist without always striving for the next thing.
4. Stop Measuring Your Worth by Productivity
It’s taken me a lifetime to learn this and I’m still not there still.
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned to equate our self-worth with our productivity.
If we’re achieving, we feel good about ourselves. If we’re resting, we feel lazy and unaccomplished.
But you are not a machine. Your worth is not based on how much you check off your to-do list. You are valuable even when you’re not being “productive.”
Think about a baby.
A baby doesn’t have to achieve anything to be loved. They don’t have to be useful or accomplished—they’re just loved because they exist.
You, too, are worthy simply because you are here.
5. Challenge the “I Should” Thoughts
Pay attention to how often you say “I should…”
- I should be more productive.
- I should have accomplished more by now.
- I should be better at this.
These thoughts come from expectations you’ve placed on yourself—often without even questioning whether they’re fair or necessary.
Next time you catch yourself saying “I should”, pause and ask:
- Who says?
- Do I actually believe this, or is it just something I’ve been conditioned to think?
- Would I tell a friend the same thing I’m telling myself right now?
Most of the time, you’ll realize these expectations are arbitrary and unnecessary.
You don’t have to meet every single standard you’ve set for yourself.
6. Accept That You Are a Work in Progress
Even when I wanted to get fit, I was so focused on losing weight in the beginning.
And then with time, I realized that this is not something that happens in weeks/months.
It takes 1-2 years and I’ve made my peace with it.
I’m enjoying the muscle gains, I’m enjoying being able to lift my older dog when she’s tired and I’m enjoying being able to play with my younger pup without being out of breath.
I never expected to feel so good after practicing mobility and strength training.
Sometimes, it’s necessary to go slow.
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
You don’t have to be perfect or have your life completely together. You are learning, growing, and evolving.
And guess what? That’s enough.
The happiness is in the journey!
Think about the people you admire. Do you love them because they’re flawless? Or do you love them because they’re real, human, and imperfect—just like you?
Embrace the fact that you are a work in progress—and that’s a beautiful thing.
7. Practice Being Kinder to Yourself
If you spoke to a friend the way you speak to yourself, would they still be your friend?
Probably not.
We are often our own worst critics—expecting ourselves to be superhuman, never allowing room for mistakes.
But you deserve gentleness, patience, and kindness.
Next time you catch yourself beating yourself up, stop and ask: Would I say this to someone I love?
If not, change the narrative.
Talk to yourself like you would to a friend who’s struggling.
Because at the end of the day, you deserve the same love you so freely give to others.
8. Let Go of the Idea That You Have to Earn Your Own Love
You don’t have to do more, achieve more, or be more in order to deserve kindness from yourself.
You are already worthy, lovable, and enough—exactly as you are, in this moment.
The world will not fall apart if you let go of some of the pressure you put on yourself.
In fact, life will feel lighter, softer, and so much more enjoyable when you finally do.
So breathe. Let go. And give yourself permission to just be.
