Last Updated on February 25, 2025 by Angela Vaz
I’m writing this article because it took me 4.5 years to leave my abusive marriage.
I don’t want any woman to go through what I did.
It took me so long to see the signs and understand that this was not normal.
I never thought I’d question my own reality.
I never thought I’d stand in the mirror, trying to remind myself of who I was before.
Before the doubt.
Before the fear.
Before the slow erosion of my confidence, my voice, my sense of self.
Emotional abuse doesn’t always look like yelling or cruel insults.
Sometimes, it’s quiet.
It’s a slow unraveling, a manipulation so subtle that you start believing it’s your fault. You start thinking maybe you’re too sensitive.
Maybe you’re imagining things. Maybe you need to try harder.
That’s the most dangerous part.
Emotional abuse doesn’t leave bruises.
It leaves invisible scars—the kind that makes you feel trapped, isolated, and unsure of yourself.
If you’re reading this and something inside you feels heavy, listen to that feeling. Pay attention.
If your husband does these seven things, it’s not just a rough patch.
It’s abuse.
1. He Controls You Through Guilt
Everything you do seems to disappoint him.
If you say no, if you make a decision he doesn’t like, if you spend time with friends—he makes you feel guilty.
He plays the victim, acting like you’re selfish, ungrateful, or neglecting him.
Over time, you start putting his needs first, even at the cost of your own. Because it’s easier than the guilt.
My ex husband completely isolated me from my friends – it happened very slowly.
Initially he’d term my friends as “sluts” or “bitchy.”
Afterward, he’d always interrupt me when I was on the phone with them. He’d ask me why I was talking to them when I had him.
He systematically cut me off from my friends and eventually had a problem even if I spoke to my mom.
Please know that this is not normal.
If your partner does this, this is abuse.
2. He Makes You Doubt Your Own Reality
You tell him he hurt you.
He says you’re overreacting.
You bring up something he said.
He swears he never said it.
You catch him in a lie. He turns it around on you, making you feel crazy.
This is gaslighting. It’s a deliberate attempt to make you question yourself so he can stay in control.
And both, my ex and his mom did this with me.
Even when I caught him cheating, his mom told me it was because I was a bad wife that he chose to cheat on me.
There is no winning with gaslighters, the only option is to leave.
3. He Humiliates You in Subtle Ways
He doesn’t call you names outright, but his words cut just as deep.
Maybe he makes “jokes” at your expense, mocking your intelligence, appearance, or dreams.
Maybe he belittles you in front of others, laughing it off like it’s nothing.
But it’s not nothing. If you feel small, embarrassed, or ashamed because of him, that’s not love.
I’ll never forget the time when I was hanging out with his friends and him and I saw a woman with a really beautiful dress. I said, “Damn, she’s really rocking that dress.” and my ex told me sharply, “This is why everyone thinks you’re a lesbian.”
It was little things like this that he always did that made me feel so bad about myself.
4. He Punishes You with Silence
You do something he doesn’t like, and instead of talking about it, he shuts you out.
He ignores you for hours, maybe days.
The house feels heavy with his anger, and you scramble to fix things—even if you’re not sure what you did wrong.
This is emotional manipulation. It’s not a mature way to handle conflict; it’s a way to control you.
If your partner tells you to “Figure it out.” everytime you ask him what’s wrong, please know that this is not maturity.
Infact, it’s far from it.
5. He Isolates You from the People Who Love You
He doesn’t have to say, “You can’t see your friends.”
Instead, he makes you feel bad about it.
He pouts, complains, or makes you feel like choosing them means abandoning him.
Over time, you pull away from your loved ones, not because you want to, but because it’s easier than the guilt or the arguments.
That’s exactly what he wants—so you rely only on him.
And this is how you slowly lose perspective of what’s right or what’s wrong.
You lose clarity because you have nobody to talk to and your mind stays shut within 4 walls.
6. He Twists Every Argument to Make You the Problem
No matter what happens, somehow it’s always your fault.
If he snaps at you, it’s because you provoked him.
If he forgets something important, you should have reminded him.
If you’re hurt by something he did, you’re being dramatic.
You can never win, because he refuses to take responsibility.
And trust me, a relationship isn’t supposed to feel this tiring or exhausting. If it does, it means something is dreadfully wrong.
7. You Walk on Eggshells Around Him
You second-guess everything you say.
You avoid topics that might set him off.
You carefully choose your words, your tone, even your facial expressions. Because you never know what will trigger his mood.
This is not normal.
A healthy relationship does not feel like a battlefield. You should not have to shrink yourself to keep the peace.
Final Thoughts
If any of this feels familiar, it’s not your fault.
You are not crazy.
You are not too sensitive.
You are not the problem.
Emotional abuse is real, and it’s just as damaging as physical abuse.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, valued, and free to be yourself. If your husband is doing these things, don’t ignore it.
Talk to someone you trust. Seek support.
Because you deserve more than just survival—you deserve a love that lifts you up, not love that slowly destroys you.
And believe me when I say that it’s okay to be alone than be in a relationship like this. The first few weeks will feel awful, but after that, your peace will be 100-fold. Your heart will sing and you will enjoy life.
